Crazy on a Sunday

I went crazy yesterday. This is a common occurrence on Sunday. You know the drill. You go out and have fun on Saturday, see a movie, go to the beach, maybe do a little yard work. Family time. Then Sunday rolls around. You go to church, come home, feed everyone....and then pull a little Jekyll and Hyde number. There is school and work the next day and, at my house, this brings on a whole new level of craziness for me. I begin stressing out about the homework, the lunches, the clothes for the next day, the schedule for the week, the tests that will be taken. And I take the Sabbath right out of Sunday for everyone that lives in my household. This is not a pretty version of myself. Why do I do this? Because someone told me that my second graders reading and taking tests on these books in a timely manner was important. But is it? Are they graded on it. No, so the reading should be checked off the list of the things to go crazy about. The schedule for the week will happen with or without me pouring over my calendar for the week so there is no point in going crazy over that. We can start doing homework on Fridays and eliminate that little stress area. The point is we do this to ourselves (and our family) because we seem to think every little thing is important. But is it really?

For years I have felt like it was my duty to deal with and prioritize every little detail of my family's existence. I did it because I felt like if I didn't teach them to do all of these little things and worry over every detail it meant that they aren't disciplined. Maybe I did it because someone (a friend, a teacher, another mother) told me these details were important and I believed them. All I succeeded in doing was causing more chaos in my home every Sunday evening (and probably a few days during the week also) and gotten everyone all worked up in the process. So this week I'm going to try a little something different. I'm going to decide what's important. Homework is important. Getting enough sleep is important. I have a feeling the rest will work itself out if I let it. The kids will miraculously find clean clothes in their drawers. Books will get read but maybe not all in one day. Children will arrive at school and grown ups will make it to work. I'm not advocating procrastination or lack of order. We all know those two are bad for family business. What I'm advocating is not sweating the small stuff. Some of us (me) have a tendency to make everything a big thing. So let's step back and look at our motivations and those of the people around us and decide what is really important and what really isn't. Maybe this Sunday I can be just Mom instead of the much scarier version I see in the mirror.

Making a Memory

I have never been a traditional parent. I do the cha-cha in the kitchen while cooking dinner. I listen to the Beatles and wear peace sign shirts. I break into song in the cereal isle at the grocery store. And when my children were little I never sang traditional lullabies. My children grew up on lullabies such as In My Life by The Beatles and Can't Help Falling in Love With You by Elvis Presley. A couple of weeks ago my son shared a memory he had of a time when he couldn't have been more than 2 years old. He said he remembered sitting by a window in my lap while I sang As Long As I Can See the Light by Creedance Clearwater Revival. I couldn't believe he remembered something like that and I was touched that he had such sweet memories 8 years later. Then I began to wonder.....

If he could remember that, does he remember the 1,001 times I've lost my cool because he or his sisters have left cups all over the house or not obeyed? Does he remember the times I've forgotten to put a drink in his lunch or the 6 months he lived off chicken nuggets and fries after the twins were born? Yes, he probably remembers some of that too. But before I start beating myself up I am going to remind myself of 3 things.

1. Nobody is a perfect parent and the best I can do today is my best.
2. When my best falls short, and sometimes it will, I will remember that my children are still OK. They are still happy, sweet, and undamaged.
3. When they are 30 years old, chances are they will still remember sitting  in my lap with me singing. Maybe they will sing to their own children. They will probably not remember the times I lost it or fell short.......or at least they will understand.

The best that I can do today is to try, try, and try again. Maybe today I'll make all good memories. Maybe today I'll put my big kids in my lap and rock them. What memory are you going to make today?

Freak Out Mom

A few days ago I was at home doing what moms do, when I got the phone call you don't want to get. "Um, ths is Mrs. ________ at your child's school. Your child is alright but.........." Apparently my eldest child had one humdinger of a bloody nose that went on for 20 minutes or so. Now overall this is not a big deal but he's never had one quite this bad before and I knew it had to be significant to receive a call. So my inner Mommy is in total freak out mode but I managed to calm my voice enough to speak to my child. "Are you OK?" "Yes, Mama, I'm OK but can you come bring a clean shirt and some saline?" No problem. Crisis averted. Until I saw him and saw how pale he was and the blood all over him.  About an hour later I managed to get my adrenaline under control enough to stop the pounding in my ears.

Later that day this same child and I were discussing what had happened that day, and I asked if it had scared him. He said a little because he's never had that kind of bloody nose before. The next thing he said was very telling for me. He said, "I'm glad you are not like so and so's mom. She would have totally freaked." OK, so Freak Out Mom is a bad thing. Check. I asked how he thought I would react. He said, "Just like you did. Calm. You asked if I was OK and then you decided what to do." Excellent! He hadn't seen the Inner Freak Out Mom. So my lesson for the day was that my child takes his cues from me about how to react about situations. But I new that. Sometimes it doesn't stop me from freaking out on the 20,000 time I have to tell someone to pick up clothes from the floor. What I need to learn is they will probably still not pick up the clothes, but they will learn to lose it every time something doesn't go their way. So, I need to learn to chill out, deal with the behavior or crisis at hand, and show some self control. Because nobody likes a Freak Out Mom.

The New Normal

This morning before the kids got up I was looking through my purse when I came across two little dirty socks in my purse. I paused trying to recall how I came to have two sandy, stinky, not even close to white, socks in the bottom of my purse. Then I remembered. I had taken The Hippie Child to find tap shoes in between dropping the two other children off for soccer and a dance class that I had 20 minutes to get to. At the time, it seemed like the most normal thing in the world to drop those socks in the bottom of my already sloppy bag. In LBB (Life Before Babies) you would never have found two such smelly specimens in my tote. But this is my new normal. In LBB I also didn't have cups in the sink constantly. Or seven loads of laundry to do. Or pancake batter on every shirt I own. I had a discussion recently with a friend who works full time and has two children. She said she was having to learn to let things go. We have all had to learn to let things go in our new normal. Maybe you had to give up the fabulous job you loved because it required too much travel. Maybe you choose to walk over the carpet stain in the living room because somebody spilled grape juice all over it. Let it go.

The cool thing about the new normal is what it does to your priorities when you let all that stuff go. I can assure you when you get to Heaven God is not going to ask you how many dirty dishes were in your sink or how many loads of laundry ware waiting by the washer. He will only be concerned with how you loved. Sometimes all the laundry and dishes gets in the way of how we love. Have you ever barked at your kids because you are walking out of the house as they are leaving a Pigpen-like trail of destruction in their wake? As an experiment I asked my kids if they could set my priorities for today, what priority would be on the top of the list for me to do today. One said devotions. One said spending time alone, doing something I like to do. One said tucking them in because they just can't sleep until everyone has hugged and kissed them. Not one said, "Woman, get in there and rattle those pots and pans!" Now everyone needs to go to school in clean underwear and there are things that must be done. But does it have to be right now? Does it all have to be done at one time, all the time? Look at your new normal today. Is there something you are trying to hold on to that isn't doing any body any good? Let it go and know that you will probably be the only who watches it walk away.

I Forgot....

So we have been back in school for a couple of weeks now and I'm starting to see a disturbing trend that I'm not entirely sure what to do about. I tell you this not to divulge my parental incompetence, but rather hoping someone has some words of wisdom they can share on the topic. My 10 year old son is a great kid. Very intelligent, loving, and mostly responsible. Overall, I believe that God, and his father and I have done a good job with him so far. Lately, however I've been noticing that our son's beautiful mind has been failing him a bit. He "forgot" to do his homework. He "forgot" to pick up his clothes from the floor....everyday for a week. Normally I would chalk these up to disobedience and punish him outright.

But here is the kicker. He didn't "forget" to do these things because he was playing video games or watching TV. He was reading a book and didn't pay attention to the time. He was playing with his 7 year old sisters when most boys his age have not one kind word for theirs. He was practicing songs on guitar for church events. Now, where do we draw the line. He didn't do what he knew he had to do but was engaged in noble pursuits. Every child needs down time but I also need to teach him the value of doing what is expected of him. One must do one's service. I don't want to nag the kid especially when his response is, "Sorry, I was reading." So is this an out and out case of a child disobeying or do I cut him some slack? For now the rule is no reading, playing with sisters, or guitar until your chores are done. And by the way, you are an awesome kid.......