My Life As a Manatee

I spent the day yesterday at Sea World with Shamu. He was one of the most amazing creatures I have ever seen but after 2 days at the park I have come to one conclusion. I want to be a manatee. This is the way God intended it to be. Miss Manatee rolls her lovely tonnage through the water, simply floating. She's not worried about fad diets, carpools, or making the rent. She is not worried about what someone said about her at church or whether she let someone down. I'm sure Miss Manatee has problems of her own, but she doesn't show it. She breathes and she floats. Calmest creature I've ever seen. So today as we head to the Magic Kingdom I'm going to try to take it all in as a manatee. I'm going to be a manatee for my kids, unconcerned about the ice cream spilled on clothes or whether someone waited until we are in line for an hour at a roller coaster to say they have to go to the bathroom.  I am going to float and breathe. Today I want us all to live like manatees.

You're So Square

One of my favorite Buddy Holly songs has always been You're So Square (Baby, I Don't Care). Buddy sings, "I wonder why I love you Baby. I guess it's just because you're so square. Baby I don't care." I have always loved it's simple lyrics because being a bit of a square myself, I identify. My eldest, the Man Child, also happens to be a bit of a square. Man Child is unendingly ethical (no sneaking candy into the movies for this kid) and prone to holding everyone around him accountable for rules we never even knew existed. This is the kid that pushes until everyone is wearing helmets on a family bike ride and will nag you to death if you're not. He likes his hair short, and I mean if-it's-touching-his-ears-he-freaks-out short. His clothes are mostly blue or green. Shirts can't have sayings on them. I could go on and on.

What I have finally discovered about this square kid is that God is brilliant. He sent this kid first on purpose. Isn't He smart?? God knew that later would come another square child, but with her would also come the.....I don't even know what shape the other child is. She has jagged edges all around. She is whimsical and outgoing. Definately not square. So God sent me the square child first to help me with the jagged one. He keeps things orderly. But also, in God's infinite wisdom he also added some things to the Square eldest child that would help me deal with all of them. A dry, witty sense of humor to keep things fun. A bit of "prankster" to keep things whimsical. A sweet heart to love me when I feel I've failed with all of them. This morning he might be wearing bright orange flip flops with his blues and greens. The perfect little mix rolled up into one first born son. Ask yourself what traits your children have that you think God may have placed there for a very specific parenting purpose and then thank God for them. He is so good!

October 21

So Doomsday didn't happen on May 21st. As Gomer Pyle would say, "Surprise, surprise, surprise." As far as my children were concerned it was just another Saturday. My eldest asked me several days before what I thought about the prediction. I told him I only know the facts. We will not know the day or time that Jesus will come and in my opinion, to say you do is just a smidge conceited. That seemed to answer that question. On that particular Saturday we watched videos and saw pictures of other's opinions of the day. Some, I'll admit were pretty amusing, like all the pictures of clothes with no one in them because they were all gone. So maybe we used a bit of humor to mask some discomfort for this poor guy, and all his followers, who thought the world was going to end. And the world didn't end. We went on.

Then this morning I saw an article on CNN about the inexhaustible Mr. Harold Camping that now believes the end will be October 21, 2011. The little man who cried Apocalypse. I started thinking of this man and what I was going to teach my children about this new prediction and the others that would inevitably follow. I began to think that laughing at the poor man may be teaching my children poorly. Now, of course I don't believe we are being taken to Heaven on October 21st, but you have to give this man props for the courage of his convictions. He has lost all credibility and probably a few followers for his beliefs. Do we teach our children to take this as a joke or use this to teach tolerance for others? This guy truly believes what he says. Whether we choose to believe it or not is no longer the question. The new question is, how do I use this to teach my children to accept others, warts and all? It's a mighty big wart, but don't we all have one or two?

Twinkies and Ding Dongs

We were in Walmart a couple of days ago and found Ding Dongs. Haven't seen them in years! I was so excited that I couldn't leave the store without a box. If you've never heard of these fabulous delights or never had the pleasure of eating them I'll explain. They are little round Devil's food cakes with creme filling, covered in a chocolate coating. I'm sure you've had something similar like Ho Hos, Devil Squares, or Swiss Rolls. The thing about these little heart attacks in a package is that they share some common threads. They have no nutritional value, something better tasting can be found at any area bakery, and they all remind us of childhood. That's the hook. I can remember eating Ding Dongs and loving every bit of that crusty outside chocolate and gooey, fluffy middle. MOTH feels the same way about Twinkies. I happen to loathe Twinkies but it conjures up a great childhood memory for him. A small, tasty little memory.

The point is that these are the little things kids remember and take with them into adulthood. It doesn't have to be a huge trip or gift. It's a Twinkie or a Ding Dong. I asked my kids what some of their favorite memories are from their short little childhoods and they came up with going to get ice cream together, memories of a favorite teacher, and favorite dishes that I make. Little things. I am going to eat a Ding Dong and although I realize it might not taste quite the same as it did when I was a kid, it will be wonderful because it's not just a sweet....it's a Ding Dong. Sometimes we get so caught up in trying to outdo everybody we forget it's small memories that last, as well as the big ones. Ask your kids what their favorite memory is so far. You might be surprised by what you hear.

You've Got Some Splainin' To Do

Remember the time on I Love Lucy when Lucy decided to go to Grauman's Chinese Theater to steal John Wayne's square? Or the time when Lucy and Ethel decided to wallpaper Lucy's apartment? A lot of episodes ended with, "Lucy, you've got some splainin' to do!" With time on her hands Lucy just seemed to get into a lot of trouble. Perhaps you've heard "Idle hands are the Devil's playthings" or some variation of the famous saying. Today is the first day of summer vacation and I've already discovered something we won't be doing a lot of this summer because it brings out the very worst in my children. Gaming. Apparently it makes my children temporarily lose their minds and decide to do weird things. One child demands that everyone play a certain game, another child wants to play alone without the others, resulting in some unkind words. As soon as the game was turned off there was no more fighting and some very imaginative play took place. I think a lot of parents understand that unlimited gaming isn't good for their children and results in idle hands (figuratively, not literally). The problem is, it is such a good babysitter and keeping kids occupied is such a chore, that umlimited game time is what we revert to. After the game and TV were turned off and there was nothing electronic to keep them occupied, the kids figured out on their own how to keep themselves occupied. They discovered that boredom can actually be quite stimulating. Two children are now playing with a long lost set of Legos and one child is playing with army men. Now, of course the day is not over and we have a whole summer to go, but I'm going to see how long this experiment works. I'm going to let them be bored with interspersed outings to the beach and the water park nearby. It has to be better than an entire summer of hearing them be selfish about who's turn it is on the Wii or which Looney Toons they should watch.

The Jesus Fish

At least once a week I pass someone on the road that has their Jesus Fish on the bumper of the car. You know the Jesus Fish, right? Plastic fish shape that has a cross or the word Jesus in the middle, proclaiming to the world that these people donning the Jesus Fish are Christians. Usually I smile and think, "Yes! A fellow Christian." These people are typically amiable drivers who give the right of way and don't choose to camp out in the trunk of your car due to following too closely. Occasionally however, there are those Jesus Fish people that make you wonder if they just bought the car from another Jesus Fish person. They cut you off, drive too fast, follow too closely and occasionally use their hands in less than Jesus Fishy ways.

Have you ever thought that as a parent you have a Jesus Fish plastered on your forehead? As you drive through your day, are you the person that your children (and others) look at and say, "Yes! A fellow Christian."? Or are you a stinky driver, leaving your children wondering who you swiped the fish from? You need to earn, own, and rock the Jesus Fish. Your children are looking to you for guidance and every action teaches them in a way that 30 Sundays in Sunday School can't. I'll admit that I sometimes need to give back my fish. Some days I wear it proudly. How is your fish?

Liar, Liar Pants on Fire

Most of us know that Satan is the ultimate liar. He tells big fat whoppers like Christians are crazy and Jesus wasn't really the Messiah. He also tells us little subtle lies like we're overweight and we aren't loved. He lies to us about our kids, too. No matter how many accomplishments we can list about our kids there is that one moment in which Satan lies to us and makes us begin to question. A test score comes back less than you know it should be and you begin to question your child's intellect. Someone tells you your child was rude and you begin to wonder if you're raising a little heathen. Little lies. I've said it before but it's a worthwhile exercise so let's do it again. Let's look at our children through God's eyes. What truths does he reveal to us about our children? Are they great artists, athletes, academics, or best of all, little Jesus lovers? As usual I'm not condoning being blind to truths about our children that are harder to take and require discipline. I'm simply suggesting that in each little love of our life, there are beautiful characteristics that no lie can take away. Make a list if you need to, for each child, of all the wonderful truths you know about them. While you're at it, do you need to make one for yourself? And tomorrow when your feet hit the floor tell Satan he's a liar, liar pants on fire!

In the Summertime

In our beloved Florida town, the children have 2 3/4 more days of school left. The Man Child says 3/4 for the last day because they get out an hour early. I feel very blessed that I am able to spend the summer at home with my kids but poor MOTH has to work this summer as most parents do. I think he needs the rest as much as the kids.  I intend to use this summer as a time to build my kids up spiritually and physically. Lots of exercise and lots of Bible. I want them to relax and renew. As parents, working or not, I think it's important to have a relax and renew time for your family. It doesn't necessarily have to be the summer but that seems to be the easiest time for most.

I recently read an article from someone who advocates year round school. In the article, LZ Granderson states that we need year round school to compete globally. We were competing globally before there was year round school. If schools are teaching decent curriculum during the school year there is no need to have year round school. I agree with Mr. Granderson that too many kids are spending too much time over the summer on video games and TV. However, with a growing number of children and adolescents being diagnosed with anxiety disorders and depression I think instead of year round school we need to take a closer look at what is going on in our homes and schools before we make such a drastic educational decision. What can we do this summer to build our children up, help them set goals, but mainly to just relax? I intend to let mine swing, swim, hear Bible stories and hopefully have some "Weeeeeeee" moments. I want them mentally, physically, and emotionally prepared for next school year and there will be chores and rules, but mainly there will be a lot of fun.  We did it when we were kids and I think we're OK, don't you?

"In the summertime when the weather is high, you can stretch right up and touch the sky. " Mungo Jerry

Clearing the Clutter

I haven't been blogging the last few days because my computer went berserk after I opened an email from a friend that had a trojan that infected my computer. Now, of course my friend didn't send it, but I opened it because as usual I was in a hurry and didn't stop to think that perhaps it might be anything strange. Lesson learned. The problem stemmed from my cluttered thinking. I was in a hurry which, like most parents, is a constant state of affairs. I started looking around our home and realized that the whole thing is cluttered. Over the weekend, two important items belonging to two different children in my home were misplaced. Still haven't found one of them. We quizzed the kids about the last known location of the item but no one could remember anything. I felt like I was in a Bill Cosby skit. "Why did you do that?" "I dunno!" Apparently my children are suffering from disorganized space and minds also. I began to wonder how God was supposed to get through all my clutter, both tangible and mental, to tell me what He needs me to know? Now, we all know He finds a way, but am I putting up road blocks when I am so disorganized. My children cannot hear what I need for them to hear and understand what God needs for them to understand in a disorganized situation. Anybody who knows me knows I'm not discussing perfection. I don't think for one minute that with 3 kids, 2 harried adults, and a Basset Hound that sleeps in the house 20 hours a day, I am going to have a spotless house. I do think though that God likes order and disorganization just gives Satan a little foothold. So let's decide today where we are keeping clutter, whether in our minds, hearts, or households, and clear it out. Open the windows and clear it all out.

Here is a useful link to organizing your life and home.

http://www.flylady.com/

Mother Bear Syndrome

You've been there. Your child is dealt, what you perceive to be, an inexcusable blow. One of your children's friends says something that hurts their feelings. A teacher accuses your child of doing something you know seems way out of character. Your child gets skipped over during tryouts for a team you know they'd be great at. Suddenly, out of nowhere, you grow teeth, claws, hair and begin growling at the nearest person. You have Mother Bear Syndrome. There is no cure and furthermore, you don't want to be cured. This syndrome was given to you by God to protect your children from harm. 

Unfortunately, with most gifts that God gives us, there is need for discernment and many of us are lacking this trait. We have to learn to use the Syndrome for His glory and that is where plenty of parents mess up. Without waiting to see if our child really did what they are accused of or whether making this team is what God has planned, we strike and leave a trail of carnage in our wake. There are times when it is absolutely necessary for us to fight for our babies, no matter how old they are. But there are times when we should pause, pray, and proceed cautiously. Not out of fear, but instead with the same self control we want our children to use. Believe me, this is a hard task. Daily, there are times when I want to go all "bear" on someone who hurts the cubs, but sometimes this just isn't what we are called to do. The Syndrome holds great power, but also requires great wisdom. Embrace you bearness!

"What If?" Mentality

There was a terrific Disney musical, circa 1967, starring Fred MacMurray and a very young Lesley Ann Warren called The Happiest Millionaire. MacMurray who plays Anthony Drexel Biddle is quite a character, who among other things keeps alligators in the family's mansion, as pets. At one point, irritated that no family is around to console him after he is bitten by one of the alligators, he says (actually sings), "I've been bit on my finger, it could've been my leg. It could have been my head, I might have died." I call this, "What if?" mentality. I was really only bitten on the finger, but what if it had been my head? I just slammed on my brakes to avoid hitting that car. What if the other car had not sped up when they did? I might have hit them. What if that bill can't be paid? What if my child gets sicker? What if I'm the only one who "what ifs" all the time? As my relationship with Christ has strengthened I have noticed that the "what ifs" lessen because His "what ifs" are all for our good.

It is my prayer that as parents we will begin to change the "what if" question for our children. MOTH is the eternal optimist. I affectionately call him Pollyanna because he "what ifs" but his "what ifs" are different than most people's. What if we could give to this charity? What if this child has his own Christian band someday? What if that person really meant that remark in a kind, loving way? His "what ifs" are dreams and hopes he has for his family, his business, and the world. What if we taught our children to "what if" to the stars? The ability to imagine a world in which they can accomplish anything and can dream big is a great gift. God wants that for us. So the question I have for you today is, "What if?"

Where Did You Come From?

I've noticed recently on a few different occasions that after I meet someone for the first time, I start seeing them seemingly everywhere I go. I'll see them repeatedly at my kids' school, the grocery store, church, etc. After pondering this for a few minutes, I realized a big reality. They were there the whole time; I just never noticed them because I was too wrapped up in my own world. Just like those people that I met and had never really taken notice of before, there are many people out in the world that we all come in contact with and never really notice. We don't notice that they are hurting, lonely, or just wanting to be noticed. What type of Christian example are we setting by not noticing and not helping? You've all heard, "Go and preach the Gospel, if necessary use words." How great would the world be if we could do this? We should have God oozing from every pore in our body. Those around us should be able to see that we are Godly men and Godly women before we even speak, and especially after we speak. It occurred to me that this one of the many areas where I frequently fail, especially when I am oblivious to those hurting and suffering right in front of me. So my challenge for the day is to, "Go and take notice." See what is around you, starting with your own spouse and children.

The Perfect Line

We hear a lot these days about how this generation of children just doesn't seem to care, has no ambition, no goals. In some ways I agree, but I think part of the cause may be our fault as parents. My husband and I have very high expectations for our children and expect them to try their hardest in all areas without exception. If you don't set the bar high they will never learn to strive. Overall that has been effective, but then there are the areas where our children simply can't get to the bar. They try their hardest and just can't get it. Maybe it's a subject at school or a sport. We have all seen parents who absolutely lose it on the ball field when their child fails to hit the ball, win the game, or score the goal. We look at these parents and feel sorry for them, glad that we never freak out like those parents. I know though that there are areas where I may have freaked out a bit over failure. Grades, test scores, or a pig sty room can all send me into a tail spin. Teachers can demand perfection as well. My children have had teachers that threw the word "perfect" around like it was achieved everyday. This left the kids feeling like failures because perfection was never attained. When we demand more than our children can possibly ever give they feel misunderstood and feel as though they disappoint us. I wonder if the reason this generation just doesn't seem to care is that perfection can never be obtained, so they give up.

Where is the perfect line between perfectionism and high standards? Why do we expect perfection but say we don't? Are we are afraid of how others will judge us and our children? Is it a genuine desire for our children to achieve? What if God expected us to be perfect and then berated us when we were not? These are some questions we need to ask ourselves. I intend to continue to have high expectations for my children. I also intend to continue letting them know that when the day comes that they cannot reach the bar (and it will) I will still love them and be proud of them. Every child cannot be star on the team, have straight As, and be perfectly organized. Today I want to see my children for who they are, flaws and all, and love them. Isn't that what was given to us by our Father?

Here's an interesting article on perfectionism and children.

Barbie Beautiful

Most women I know played with Barbie as a child. If you're a man, perhaps you tortured Barbie as a child. Either way you are familiar with the blond bombshell icon. As a mother I have contemplated the real body image of Barbie wondering what harm it might do to my little girls. I didn't spend much time thinking about it though, and of course my daughters own their fair share of Barbies. I did try to buy a doll that looks more like me once. I bought the Family Loving House. The mother is flat chested, slim hipped, and has short mousy brain hair. It's me! She looks "normal". The Family Loving House Dad is not buff and his jeans are not super tight Ken jeans. He looks "normal". Well, of course, Barbie and all her flashy, fashion forward friends came to visit at The Family Loving House making the Mom feel  frumpy and in need of some Botox, or perhaps a little nip and tuck.

This unfortunately is the world we still live in as adult women.  We see magazine covers that show beautiful women with personal trainers and nutritionists that fit into size 0 pants. Zero shouldn't even be a size. They have no wrinkles, no stretch marks, and their hair falls perfectly every time. Imagine how life must feel for those of us with frizzy hair, flat chests, and stomachs that look like they have seen combat. Society tells us that we should, at all costs, strive to be these models of loveliness. Completely unrealistic. 1 Samuel 16:7 says that the Lord sees not as man sees. Man looks on outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart. Genesis 1:27 says that we are made in the image of God. Now forgive me if you don't agree, but I believe that God never expected to have His image plumped with silicon. I believe He did intend for us to be healthy, taking good care of the body He gave us. After that, the lines get hazy. Where is the end of "taking good care" of the body He gave us and the beginning of vanity? I just want my girls to understand that in most cases what God gives you is not Barbie beautiful. It's God beautiful. We are all beautiful. With the wrinkles, and the wild hair, and the bulges in all the wrong places. We are beautiful. Our daughters are beautiful just as they are, created in God's image.

This video shows what a life sized Barbie would actually look like. It's nearly comical.

Excess (Part 7 of 7) - Music

I have often told my children that you can find God anywhere if you are looking for Him. This discussion often arises in relation to music. It's becoming harder and harder, though to find God in current music. It's not all bad, but there is some music out there that I think could be used for torture purposes. I'm not old (exactly) or a prude, but some of the music the younger generation is listening to, in my opinion barely qualifies as music. I love the 50s and 60s. Love surf music, the Rat Pack, and Buddy Holly. I am OK with my kids listening to it. Some other parents I know don't let their kids listen to anything but Christian music and I think that's OK too. My concern is parents who don't know what their children are listening to. Currently on the top 20 there is a very sexually explicit song called "Down On Me" by Jeremih that I'm not even sure I'm old enough to listen to. We have Rihanna with "S&M" and I need say no more about that one. Then there's "Blow" by Ke$ha that frankly I'm too afraid to probe too much because I'm still a nice girl.

Supposedly, when Buddy Holly (actually Holley for those of you interested in that little piece of trivia) began playing at a roller rink in his hometown of Lubbock, TX as a teen he was not well received by the older generation because of the Rock and Roll he played.  Elvis had the same effect and was only shown from the waist up on The Ed Sullivan Show because of his gyrating. I'll tell you, I will take Maybe Baby and Hound Dog over some of the songs played today. I always said I wasn't going to be one of those parents that refused to listen to current music and was old before my time, because that is what happened some 60 years ago to decent young people just trying to express themselves. I've changed my mind. There may be some things that are better left unexpressed. So, if you aren't certain what your children are listening to, start listening. Keep an open mind, but start listening. You may be surprised by what you find.