The Perfect Line

We hear a lot these days about how this generation of children just doesn't seem to care, has no ambition, no goals. In some ways I agree, but I think part of the cause may be our fault as parents. My husband and I have very high expectations for our children and expect them to try their hardest in all areas without exception. If you don't set the bar high they will never learn to strive. Overall that has been effective, but then there are the areas where our children simply can't get to the bar. They try their hardest and just can't get it. Maybe it's a subject at school or a sport. We have all seen parents who absolutely lose it on the ball field when their child fails to hit the ball, win the game, or score the goal. We look at these parents and feel sorry for them, glad that we never freak out like those parents. I know though that there are areas where I may have freaked out a bit over failure. Grades, test scores, or a pig sty room can all send me into a tail spin. Teachers can demand perfection as well. My children have had teachers that threw the word "perfect" around like it was achieved everyday. This left the kids feeling like failures because perfection was never attained. When we demand more than our children can possibly ever give they feel misunderstood and feel as though they disappoint us. I wonder if the reason this generation just doesn't seem to care is that perfection can never be obtained, so they give up.

Where is the perfect line between perfectionism and high standards? Why do we expect perfection but say we don't? Are we are afraid of how others will judge us and our children? Is it a genuine desire for our children to achieve? What if God expected us to be perfect and then berated us when we were not? These are some questions we need to ask ourselves. I intend to continue to have high expectations for my children. I also intend to continue letting them know that when the day comes that they cannot reach the bar (and it will) I will still love them and be proud of them. Every child cannot be star on the team, have straight As, and be perfectly organized. Today I want to see my children for who they are, flaws and all, and love them. Isn't that what was given to us by our Father?

Here's an interesting article on perfectionism and children.