Shrinky Dinks and Bubblicious

I'm sitting here, in my living room, listening to 50s music and smelling a terrific smell. A blast from the past, if you will. My children have just discovered the lovely, purpley, gummy goodness that is....Grape Bubblicious. No, it does not change color 3 times, or keep its flavor for 24 hours. It has sugar and no telling what else in it, but it's grapey, and bubbly, and gooey, and good. It's Bubblicious. Sometimes the old things are just better. Coca Cola Classic is classic for a reason. Remember Fruit Striped Gum? Did anybody have a Dancerella or a GI Joe with the fuzzy hair? How about Lincoln Logs? Remember when we used imagination and all of our senses to play? My children refer to those long lost days as "back then". Back when times were a little simpler. Now kids are nuking braincells all day with video games and computer "fun" and they never touch a toy. They never learn to identify grape awesomeness when they smell it. It's time to intervene, parents!

Does your child look spaced out, hopped up, or fear daylight ? Does the mere mention of taking away games, Xbox, or computers cause them to shake uncontrollably. Yes, that's an addict. When handed a jump rope or a  Rubik's Cube, do they begin to look for the on button or ask, "What does it do?" Yes, you have a problem. You need to start detox immediately. Here are the steps.
1. Play Old Maid. When the child begins to laugh uncontrollably when they get the old girl, you can move on to step 2.
2. Play a game of Four Square in the backyard. (Be careful, you are not as young as you used to be.)
3. Give them a piece of Zebra Striped gum and watch them for signs of enjoyment.

If these efforts fail you may have to revert to shock therapy. Buy them Shrinky Dinks or GI Joe. Tell them about the hours you used to spend playing with Colorforms and Barrel of Monkeys.  If you hear, "That might have been cool," you are home free. They are back. And you might have some old fashioned fun yourself!

Check out this site for retro toys we actually played with" back then".

Downtime

For the past month, since my kids got out of school I have been making lists. Lists of all the things I think the kids and I need to accomplish during this summer. The office needs to be cleaned out. The kids need to learn some basic math facts I feel they didn't learn last year. They all want to learn about other subjects like presidents, World War II, and Egyptians. We want to redo the downstairs bathroom and I would love for the kids to learn some Bible verses. Chores need to be done daily and the house needs to be ready for family visits. There are doctors appointments for checkups and I'm requiring the kids to read a certain number of books. This is exhausting. Not to mention the fact that summer is supposed to be fun so we need to schedule in some beach and lots of playtime. Why did I think all this had to be done? Statistics say that kids lose more than 2 months of knowledge over the summer and start school the following year in the hole. I rarely have time during the school year to teach them as much as I'd like about the Bible or the various subjects they want to learn about. I'd like the kids to help clean out some of the areas they caused to be a mess in the first place. But after 4 weeks of this pace I'm losing my mind and the kids are not really any closer to meeting some of my goals. And there is the problem: my goals.


We will always hear that we need to do more for our kids. We should have taught them more, made them read more, and so and so's kids are way ahead of yours in 50 different areas. I'm beginning to have this sneaking suspicion though that adults with their statistics and should haves are gumming up the works!! Left to their own devices and not over scheduled, my kids have created a roller coaster out of K'nex, learned to swim like fish, and really importantly, learned how to relax and just enjoy each others' company. Maybe my lists and I need to go jump in a lake. Maybe I'm the only over achiever mom out there, making lists, and plans for their children's entire summer, but I seriously doubt it. I know too many stressed out moms. Let's make a pact, moms....let's chill out and see what happens. Let's have fun and if we find out after a month that our kids have forgotten how to spell their names, we'll do something about it then. I think in this day and time there is something to be said for learning how to relax. School will come around again soon enough and we need to be ready, but I think today the list can go in the trash. What do you think?

I'm just sittin' on the dock of the bay...wastin' time. ~ Otis Redding

A Life Extraordinary

On family movie night this weekend we all settled in to watch Night at the Museum. It was an OK movie, nothing that just jumped out at me. Pretty ordinary. Except for one line in the movie that caught my attention. The onscreen son Nick says to onscreen dad Larry, "What if you're just an ordinary guy who should just get a real job?" An ordinary guy. Most of us lead ordinary lives. We do our laundry, go to the grocery store, and pay our taxes. But everyday we are extraordinary. Maybe we teach a child something they didn't know or help someone who is hurt. Maybe we help someone to know Christ or volunteer somewhere. That's why it's called extraordinary. Maybe at first glance it seems ordinary, but it may be that little bit extra that makes all the difference in the world. We are all extraordinary in some way. Maybe you are creative. To me that's extraordinary because I can't draw stick people. Maybe you are that teacher that a child is going to remember for the rest of their life because you were kind, compassionate, or knew all the cool science experiments. That's extraordinary.

What about our children? I have one child that is endlessly creative, one that is logical beyond belief, and one that is a born leader. My job in this ordinary world on this ordinary day is o show them that their ordinary self is extraordinary. Simply by being Christ's children they became extraordinary. Now add in where their talents can take them and you have an author, a scientist, or a president. Our job is to bring out the extraordinary in our children. To love them and encourage them to the stars. No one is ordinary. Today find your extraordinary and the extraordinary in your children. It's there just waiting to be discovered.

Bloom, Darn It! Bloom!

You've heard the old saying, "Bloom where you are planted". I think there is a lot of truth to this adage and sometimes I bloom and sometimes, not so much. Sometimes, I stomp my feet and refuse to take root and generally refuse to turn my face to the Son. But today I want to talk about times when we, or our children, simply can't bloom where we are planted. This has happened to everyone at one time or another. Someone from work, church, home, or community has asked you to do something that you just don't want to do. Maybe you are afraid you can't do the job, don't want to do the job, or simply are too overloaded to do the job. Any number of things can happen in this situation. God may clear the path and help you get the job done and in the end you come away feeling more blessed than ever. Maybe during the course of the task you find out you had strength or a desire to do something you didn't know you had. But sometimes you come away knowing you should have never agreed to do it in the first place. Sometimes we agree to do things that we know we shouldn't do and that God never meant for us to do because other people have a desire for something and want you to bloom at their say so. We need to learn to say "no" to some things and "yes" to the things God wants us to do. There is a whole other blog there.

But what happens when we ask our children to bloom where they are planted to fulfill a desire we have for them. Most likely it is a situation or event in which we know the child can bloom and we want the best for them. Sometimes however, I think it may be a desire for glory, or recognition, or just plain stubbornness on our part that causes us to ask a child to bloom. Perhaps you want your child to play a sport you were really good at as a child but the child would prefer to take up photography. Maybe you are pushing the "straight A" issue but the child is truly a "B" student. Maybe you think the child would just be great at this or that at church but the child wants the floor to open and swallow them whole every time they have to participate. Do we push them to bloom then? There are many occasions when I have to nudge (push) my children for their own good because I know their capabilities better than they do. Parents are awesome like that. But there are other times when I look at one of the kids and realize they would rather be anywhere else than in the planter I've placed them in, hoping to bloom so I will be happy. It then becomes time to relocate them to another planter. So how do we know? I've said this many times before (I know, I've beaten a dead horse) but we have to learn to listen to our children. God certainly has made them smart little creatures. If your child says they'd rather die than be in a school play, it may not be too much of an exaggeration. You may be killing their bloom. If the child is just not living up to potential, then yes, water them and take them outside daily. But listen to your child. Hear God's voice through them, "This spot is not where I wanted you to be planted. Let's try another!"

Bloom where you are planted. ~ Author Unknown

Remember When....

Remember when we were kids and we hopped on our bikes and rode to friends' houses around the neighborhood? Remember when you had to come in the house when the light turned on and off in front of your house at night? Remember when your mom wasn't afraid to let you go to the bathroom by yourself at a store or restaurant? Those days, sadly, are gone. A friend of mine posed a question to her fellow mothers today that is a question we all have asked in light of the times in which we currently live. When is a child old enough to ________________? When is my child old enough to go to a public bathroom by themselves (because I'm going to be worried the whole time that someone is going to hurt them)? When can my child walk to a friend's house alone (because I'm going to be worried the whole time that someone is going to snatch them)? When can my child stay alone at home (because I'm going to be worried the whole time that the boogieman is going to come knock on the door)? Are we being worry warts or are these valid questions? How will our children learn to fend for themselves if we have to keep them so close for so long?

I think parents have every right to be afraid. Children are taken, molested, and harmed everyday close to home. But how do we parent with these fears? How do I let my 10 year old learn to stand up for himself if I keep him tied to my apron strings until he is 20? How do I teach my children not to live in fear but be confident enough to stand up for themselves? These are difficult questions I'm not sure I have the answers to yet. I try not to live in fear of what I know is out there, but at the same time not be careless. I try to give them inches of freedom because by college they will need miles of freedom. I try to give them the tools to take care of themselves, but stay close enough to jump in if needed. There are no rules for any of these issues and this topic does not appear in my "Parenting Guidebook". Things I would let my 10 year old do I probably won't let my 6 year olds do until they are 16. It's a day by day process. There are differences in how each child will handle situations, gender differences, and age differences that factor in to each decision. The only thing I can suggest is to be prepared. Know your stand before your child asks so you won't be tempted to make a hasty decision. Know your age requirements for staying home alone before he/she asks. Know how old your son needs to be before he goes into the public bathroom without you. If you are nervous ask yourself if it's a valid fear or fear of the unknown. Act according to that "sixth sense" that God gave you and not the fear the enemy plants in your mind. Post comments letting me know what parenting issues you are struggling with in light of the current state of the world. We're all in this together.....

Obladi Oblada...Life Goes On

The song says, "Obladi, oblada, life goes on." Things change, problems arise. But life goes on. How you handle this is the real question. Do you build a home sweet home and do your pretty face, or do you get mired down in the situations life throws at you? Our children are consistently watching us to see how we deal with life's little irritations. Someone cuts in front of you in line and you lose it. Another child is mean to yours and you go on a tirade about the child and his parents. Or maybe you say nothing......ever. You sit and do nothing as life falls around you. How do we teach our children when we need to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and be the "doers" God has called us to be, and when to be still and quiet and let God work it all out. I think the answer is we are called to do both. We are called to pray to God in times of trouble and to listen for the answer. But when he calls us to move we should never sit on our hands. If He calls us to move He will be with us every step. We teach our children by our actions. Are our children watching us sit and do nothing that God has called us to do? We need to teach our children that when bad things happen, and they will, we can either complain about the situation or take positive steps to change the situation. Having  an action to take is sometimes the most comforting thing in a child's eyes. Even if that action is simply praying and being positive. It is still taking action. Of course we are not called to go full throttle into a situation to "fix it" without having thought or prayed it through. But standing still, taking no action whatsoever, is not "fixing it" either. So let's teach our children to PAT. Pray for guidance. Act according to God's will. Thank God for His guidance. Standing still, wringing my hands has never worked for me and it won't work for my children. Life goes on....let's go on with it.

Mother's Intuition

I was watching the very first episode of  the Dick Van Dike Show last night. The episode was the one in which Rob wants Laura to go to an office get together with him but she doesn't want to because she has a feeling that Ritchie is going to get sick while she is gone. Laura tells Rob it's women's intuition that something is going to happen. They go anyway, and sure enough, something happens. Ritchie doesn't get sick but the babysitter hits her head and the doctor has to come to the house. God gives mothers this wonderful intuition to know when we need to be on guard against danger for our children. I can usually tell when one of mine is going to be sick based on a series of clues that only I seem to detect. Fathers have other parenting gifts but the intuition seems to be mainly a mother's gift. The question is, when does that intuition segue to fear and hypochondria. Laura was basing her whole feeling about Ritchie's impending illness on the fact that he didn't want a cupcake. I've done this before. I see a small insignificant look pass over my child's face and then I begin to worry. Is something wrong? Is he getting sick? Did someone hurt her feelings? I let it spiral out of control. I let Satan take the gift that God gave me and use it against me. So how do we know the difference between real trouble on the horizon and the times we're being lied to? I've found that letting an hour go by before I address the situation usually helps me discern between real and imaginary. During that hour I don't dwell and worry about the situation or ask the child about it at all. Then after the hour I ask myself about it again. Does the child seem unhappy now? Is the child looking green or coughing? If so, it's time to react to mother's intuition. If not, it's probably just your mind in over drive. We have to learn to use, but not overuse, the gifts we are given as mothers. While you are thinking about that, relax and enjoy the very first episode of The Dick Van Dike Show.

Stroller Faux Pas

I'm going to make some parents angry this morning I have no doubt, but there is an issue bugging me so here goes.....Our family just spent 5 wonderful days at Disney and 3 days at Sea World. My two 6 year old daughters were real troupers. They walked, sometimes over 10 miles in a day, without a complaint. We rested when we needed to rest, went to shows when the temperature was unbearable, and left when we needed to leave. Not once did either of them ask for me to put them in a stroller and push them through Disney. I wouldn't have blamed them if they had, it looked very inviting to be pushed all through the park and dropped off at the rides we wanted to get on. But we didn't hear a peep out of any of our children. What I couldn't get over were the sheer number of kids, well over my 10 year old's size and age, being pushed through Disney in strollers while they texted, ate, and complained. We're talking about kids whose knees were up around their ears because they were simply too large for the strollers they were folding themselves into. We're talking about kids who outweighed me. We're talking about poor parents who were pushing loads of preteen kids around to the rides, uphill, through crowds. We are NOT talking about kids who were disabled in some way or so young that you knew they were exhausted from walking on little legs. These kids would hop out at a ride and run to get into line. I don't have a problem with small children who get tired in Disney...that is to be expected. I have a problem with kids old enough to get a job taking advantage of their parents. It wasn't just a couple of kids. It was a park full. We as parents cannot declare our children lazy when we are unwilling to say "No" to some fundamental demands. If a child outweighs you, towers over you, or is otherwise healthy and capable of walking the answer should be, "No, you may not ride in a stroller!" As a society we like to complain about the unwillingness of an entire generation of children to work for anything. We can no longer complain while failing to equip our children with the necessary tools needed to make it in the world. I apologize if you are one of the parents I saw in Disney, but I urge you to take a look at your children and ask more from them. You might be very surprised what they are capable of if given the chance to hear, "No!"

OK, I'm walking away now!

I have had the pleasure of being at Walt Disney World, Orlando for 2 full days now and I must say, I have seen and been one of the happiest kids on Earth. I have also seen some of the unhappiest kids on earth while wandering from ride to ride in this oh-so-fabulous-place. Some of the "unhappies" were for obvious reasons. The fact that it was a billion degrees could have been a factor, or the fact that half these kids had had no naps or bedtimes in days. Those were understandable "crankies". But I saw at least 2 kids who were "unhappy" because of their own parents' mistakes. It's the "OK, I'm walking away now" style of parenting. Let's take the first case, a child of about 4 waiting in a rather lengthy line for a show at about 9:30 at night. The child was using all manner of behaviors to let mom know he was unhappy about the coming attraction. He sat down, screamed, cried, and generally was just staging a protest. Finally, as the line moved the mother, desperate, used a classic parenting technique. One that I have never actually seen work for my children or most other kids. She used the "OK, I'm leaving. Sit there if you want."  The child did not move. Now, this child knew the parent was not actually going to leave them because there is no telling how many other times this has been used. I did see a look of relief wash over the child's face as if he was thinking, "Excellent, now I can sit here and do what I want." A better approach would have been to be direct and let the child know, they are 4, you are in charge, and you are now going to see this show. If they don't do this there will be consequences. Then the kid knows where he stands, and you are not left standing there repetitively saying, "I'm leaving now," to a child who has no intentions of coming with you. I can hear parents now thinking that this directness will never work for them. It takes consistency and training but also has an added benefit of letting the child know that in the future, you mean what you say, and say what you mean.

So, the direct approach works for 4 year olds but what about teens? I know from discussions with teen parents, and from working with teens myself, that although teens are a completely different animal the direct approach also works for them. It just needs tweeking. I saw a teen last night waiting in front of Space Mountain and the teen was adamantly letting his mother know he did not, under any circumstances, want to ride the ride. The mother said, "Fine then, I'll go on and have fun without you." The she went on to beg said teenager to ride with her, while the teen argued. The direct approach in this case would be to say, "Fine, you don't have to ride the ride but I would like to know why you don't want to ride." Teens should have choices in some cases without the fear of guilt being dumped on them by their parents. Of course there are some cases when they don't have a choice. Drinking and driving, curfews and the like are non negotiable. But they have to start making choices somewhere and not riding this roller coaster was not affecting anyone but the teen. The parent also needs to find out why the teen doesn't want to go. Giving teens a chance to explain their thought process helps them work through choices while giving us an insight into the way they think.

Whether your child is 4 or 14, telling them you are walking away rarely works. Let's stay and listen, then ride the roller coaster together.