Baby, It's Cold Outside!

Yesterday morning, before homeschool, I decided it would be better for the girls and I to dash into Walmart to do our grocery shopping instead of waiting until the afternoon. I don't know about your Walmart, but ours turns into one of the most frightening places on earth after 3:00 p.m. Now, we live in the Florida Panhandle, which is one of the most beautiful places on earth with wonderful, moderate weather. That's all fine and good, but it turns people into wimps. I wholeheartedly believe that anything below 80 degrees means I should hole up in my house and not leave until it reaches said temperature. I am not happy until I am sweating profusely, glowing with tan, and sliding down a water slide. Most of my family shares this enthusiasm for warmth, except one.

One of my twin daughters never gets cold. I don't get it, but there it is. She longs to see snow, loves the winter,  and wants to live in the mountains. So every winter for the first few years of her life I fought a battle. First, the battle was with well meaning people who didn't understand why I didn't have her wrapped in layers of clothing and a blanket when it dipped below 50 degrees. Then when she turned 2 the battle was waged between me and her. "Put the jacket on. You have to keep the jacket on. Don't take the jacket off!" And it was too late, she had already taken it off. At about age 6 I stopped fighting her. I realized that this child, very likely the most level headed of the 3, knew her own mind. If she went out without a jacket and froze, she would remember and put a jacket on the next time. If she said she was not cold, then very likely, she wasn't.  I also realized that I had to teach her to decide on her own when she needed something or not. I want my children to be able to take care of themselves without me always having to say, "Eat your vegetables. Wear a coat. Don't stick your head between the spindles on the stairs."

Which brings me back to yesterday morning. It was 46 degrees when we got to Walmart. Now some of you are thinking this is a near heat wave, while those of you "from around these parts" are thinking, "Oooooooh, that's cold!" I had already required the child who rarely wears a jacket to at least bring one in the car, just in case. I'm all about the just in case. The other child brought a jacket because she is cold nearly constantly (like mother, like daughter) and freezes inside Walmart. So we are heading through the parking lot of Wally World when we passed a very well meaning, middle aged lady who, after giving me the death ray glare, said, "Where is your coat, honey?? It's cold!" My daughter just smiled that sweet 8 year old smile and kept walking.

I immediately felt guilty. The self talk began. "She is only 8 and I should have made her wear a coat. It is really cold out here! That lady probably thinks I am the worst mother ever!" And on and on it went. I asked my daughter several times during the shopping trip whether she was cold and was told, "No, ma'am!" every time. But the guilt persued me.

Several hours later as I was going over the situation for the 600th time, I started to wonder why I was torturing myself. I know my child. She knows when she is cold. She checks the weather every morning without fail and knows what is cold to her and what is not. It took years of me over dressing her for her to learn that. And, if she went out at 46 degrees and it was cold to her, she will choose to wear a jacket next time. Natural consequences. Then I began to wonder why I let something a random person on the street said, bother me that much. Am I that unsure about my parenting? The answer is, maybe now and then, but I feel that God is making up for my inadequacies. That woman absolutely meant well I believe, but I feel her need to say something is part of a growing problem among mothers.

We judge other mothers, shake our heads at other mothers,  and fail to uplift other mothers. We are so busy playing Mommy Poker ( you know the game....I'm so much busier than you are. No wait, I have you all beat because I do 4 more activities than you.) that we have failed to do the number one thing we are supposed to do....encourage each other. I let one person's comment bother me because I felt judged. I think a lot of mothers feel judged. This is not a contest. We all need to stick together, no judgement, no head shaking. We are all in this together and if we stick together we will probably all have an easier time. So, next time you are questioning why that mom never brings snacks to the soccer game, ask how she is doing instead. I guarantee she will appreciate it. Instead of judging the mother who never helps with PTA, remember that we never know someone until we have walked in their shoes. We need to share each others' struggles instead of judging them. Let's all stick together......there's safety in numbers!