Selfless Parent or Enabler??

If you are like me, you are constantly discussing the virtues of being selfless with your children. You are constantly modeling selflessness by putting your family first and your needs or desires second...or last. I am forever putting things I need to do for myself (physical therapist mandated neck exercises, showers, meals) aside to deal with laundry, run a child to an activity, or clear up a homeschool question. As it is, this blog will very likely take me a couple of hours to write, not because I'm pondering any deep life questions but because I will have to stop no less than 10 times while I write it to handle the COTM (Crisis of the Minute). Still, I'm feeling pretty good about all this...pretty, dare I say it, righteous in my selflessness. After all, I want my daughters to grow up to be giving, selfless adult women. A Proverbs 31 kind of a wife and mother. I want my son to grow up to be the kind of husband who values a Godly woman who puts others before herself. But I am beginning to wonder......

I am beginning to wonder if my children seeing me daily putting everything under the sun (son) before my needs and before what God has called me to do, is really being selfless or just me enabling them to be selfish. Strange concept I know, but when I allow my kids to interrupt every minute of my time, watch me as I fail to take care of my health and body, and when I cave to their every demand I'm really not teaching them to be selfless. I'm teaching them that their time is more valuable than others' time. When I jump to attention in an attempt to "help" them solve the problem of the second, even though I am doing devotions, I am really robbing them of the ability to solve their own problem or exercise a little patience. I am taking away from my daughters a model of a strong woman who can make God a priority even above the "needs" of others. I am taking away from my son, the notion that a wife is to be treasured as Jesus treasured His church because she knows her God, not because she drops everything to make sure you have your favorite pair of clean jeans for school tomorrow.

There's a world of difference between selflessness and enabling, in the end. I will still continue to give of my time to teach my children. I will still drop everything when one of my children's hearts is broken. I won't buy that new dress so my 12 year old can have a new pair of shoes. I will still start every homeschool day with Bible time with my children, even if it means that I don't get time to sit with my favorite mystery book this afternoon. I will go to bat for them. I will "mama bear" for them. I will pray for them.

I will not continue to allow my children to interrupt my personal devotion time because they can't figure out #12 on their math paper. I will, instead, teach them to "hold that thought" until Mama isn't doing something. I will not continue to allow my children to vie for my husband's and my attention in the 10 minutes we have to talk each day. I will no longer put my health aside for craft time. I will teach my children that our bodies are God's bodies, and need to be cared for. I will no longer allow a failure to plan on my children's part to become an emergency on my part. I will teach them that when we fail to do what we need to do for ourselves we must deal with the consequences.

I absolutely want to be a parent that my children see as loving, selfless, and Godly. But I also absolutely want my children to stand out in the world and be able to know that they will make it,  because they have God and can do their own laundry. I'm not there yet. I have a long way to go towards practicing what I preach, but I will strive to do better. And it only took me one hour and 45 minutes to do this blog so that's a first step.