Crazy on a Sunday

I went crazy yesterday. This is a common occurrence on Sunday. You know the drill. You go out and have fun on Saturday, see a movie, go to the beach, maybe do a little yard work. Family time. Then Sunday rolls around. You go to church, come home, feed everyone....and then pull a little Jekyll and Hyde number. There is school and work the next day and, at my house, this brings on a whole new level of craziness for me. I begin stressing out about the homework, the lunches, the clothes for the next day, the schedule for the week, the tests that will be taken. And I take the Sabbath right out of Sunday for everyone that lives in my household. This is not a pretty version of myself. Why do I do this? Because someone told me that my second graders reading and taking tests on these books in a timely manner was important. But is it? Are they graded on it. No, so the reading should be checked off the list of the things to go crazy about. The schedule for the week will happen with or without me pouring over my calendar for the week so there is no point in going crazy over that. We can start doing homework on Fridays and eliminate that little stress area. The point is we do this to ourselves (and our family) because we seem to think every little thing is important. But is it really?

For years I have felt like it was my duty to deal with and prioritize every little detail of my family's existence. I did it because I felt like if I didn't teach them to do all of these little things and worry over every detail it meant that they aren't disciplined. Maybe I did it because someone (a friend, a teacher, another mother) told me these details were important and I believed them. All I succeeded in doing was causing more chaos in my home every Sunday evening (and probably a few days during the week also) and gotten everyone all worked up in the process. So this week I'm going to try a little something different. I'm going to decide what's important. Homework is important. Getting enough sleep is important. I have a feeling the rest will work itself out if I let it. The kids will miraculously find clean clothes in their drawers. Books will get read but maybe not all in one day. Children will arrive at school and grown ups will make it to work. I'm not advocating procrastination or lack of order. We all know those two are bad for family business. What I'm advocating is not sweating the small stuff. Some of us (me) have a tendency to make everything a big thing. So let's step back and look at our motivations and those of the people around us and decide what is really important and what really isn't. Maybe this Sunday I can be just Mom instead of the much scarier version I see in the mirror.

Making a Memory

I have never been a traditional parent. I do the cha-cha in the kitchen while cooking dinner. I listen to the Beatles and wear peace sign shirts. I break into song in the cereal isle at the grocery store. And when my children were little I never sang traditional lullabies. My children grew up on lullabies such as In My Life by The Beatles and Can't Help Falling in Love With You by Elvis Presley. A couple of weeks ago my son shared a memory he had of a time when he couldn't have been more than 2 years old. He said he remembered sitting by a window in my lap while I sang As Long As I Can See the Light by Creedance Clearwater Revival. I couldn't believe he remembered something like that and I was touched that he had such sweet memories 8 years later. Then I began to wonder.....

If he could remember that, does he remember the 1,001 times I've lost my cool because he or his sisters have left cups all over the house or not obeyed? Does he remember the times I've forgotten to put a drink in his lunch or the 6 months he lived off chicken nuggets and fries after the twins were born? Yes, he probably remembers some of that too. But before I start beating myself up I am going to remind myself of 3 things.

1. Nobody is a perfect parent and the best I can do today is my best.
2. When my best falls short, and sometimes it will, I will remember that my children are still OK. They are still happy, sweet, and undamaged.
3. When they are 30 years old, chances are they will still remember sitting  in my lap with me singing. Maybe they will sing to their own children. They will probably not remember the times I lost it or fell short.......or at least they will understand.

The best that I can do today is to try, try, and try again. Maybe today I'll make all good memories. Maybe today I'll put my big kids in my lap and rock them. What memory are you going to make today?

Freak Out Mom

A few days ago I was at home doing what moms do, when I got the phone call you don't want to get. "Um, ths is Mrs. ________ at your child's school. Your child is alright but.........." Apparently my eldest child had one humdinger of a bloody nose that went on for 20 minutes or so. Now overall this is not a big deal but he's never had one quite this bad before and I knew it had to be significant to receive a call. So my inner Mommy is in total freak out mode but I managed to calm my voice enough to speak to my child. "Are you OK?" "Yes, Mama, I'm OK but can you come bring a clean shirt and some saline?" No problem. Crisis averted. Until I saw him and saw how pale he was and the blood all over him.  About an hour later I managed to get my adrenaline under control enough to stop the pounding in my ears.

Later that day this same child and I were discussing what had happened that day, and I asked if it had scared him. He said a little because he's never had that kind of bloody nose before. The next thing he said was very telling for me. He said, "I'm glad you are not like so and so's mom. She would have totally freaked." OK, so Freak Out Mom is a bad thing. Check. I asked how he thought I would react. He said, "Just like you did. Calm. You asked if I was OK and then you decided what to do." Excellent! He hadn't seen the Inner Freak Out Mom. So my lesson for the day was that my child takes his cues from me about how to react about situations. But I new that. Sometimes it doesn't stop me from freaking out on the 20,000 time I have to tell someone to pick up clothes from the floor. What I need to learn is they will probably still not pick up the clothes, but they will learn to lose it every time something doesn't go their way. So, I need to learn to chill out, deal with the behavior or crisis at hand, and show some self control. Because nobody likes a Freak Out Mom.

The New Normal

This morning before the kids got up I was looking through my purse when I came across two little dirty socks in my purse. I paused trying to recall how I came to have two sandy, stinky, not even close to white, socks in the bottom of my purse. Then I remembered. I had taken The Hippie Child to find tap shoes in between dropping the two other children off for soccer and a dance class that I had 20 minutes to get to. At the time, it seemed like the most normal thing in the world to drop those socks in the bottom of my already sloppy bag. In LBB (Life Before Babies) you would never have found two such smelly specimens in my tote. But this is my new normal. In LBB I also didn't have cups in the sink constantly. Or seven loads of laundry to do. Or pancake batter on every shirt I own. I had a discussion recently with a friend who works full time and has two children. She said she was having to learn to let things go. We have all had to learn to let things go in our new normal. Maybe you had to give up the fabulous job you loved because it required too much travel. Maybe you choose to walk over the carpet stain in the living room because somebody spilled grape juice all over it. Let it go.

The cool thing about the new normal is what it does to your priorities when you let all that stuff go. I can assure you when you get to Heaven God is not going to ask you how many dirty dishes were in your sink or how many loads of laundry ware waiting by the washer. He will only be concerned with how you loved. Sometimes all the laundry and dishes gets in the way of how we love. Have you ever barked at your kids because you are walking out of the house as they are leaving a Pigpen-like trail of destruction in their wake? As an experiment I asked my kids if they could set my priorities for today, what priority would be on the top of the list for me to do today. One said devotions. One said spending time alone, doing something I like to do. One said tucking them in because they just can't sleep until everyone has hugged and kissed them. Not one said, "Woman, get in there and rattle those pots and pans!" Now everyone needs to go to school in clean underwear and there are things that must be done. But does it have to be right now? Does it all have to be done at one time, all the time? Look at your new normal today. Is there something you are trying to hold on to that isn't doing any body any good? Let it go and know that you will probably be the only who watches it walk away.

I Forgot....

So we have been back in school for a couple of weeks now and I'm starting to see a disturbing trend that I'm not entirely sure what to do about. I tell you this not to divulge my parental incompetence, but rather hoping someone has some words of wisdom they can share on the topic. My 10 year old son is a great kid. Very intelligent, loving, and mostly responsible. Overall, I believe that God, and his father and I have done a good job with him so far. Lately, however I've been noticing that our son's beautiful mind has been failing him a bit. He "forgot" to do his homework. He "forgot" to pick up his clothes from the floor....everyday for a week. Normally I would chalk these up to disobedience and punish him outright.

But here is the kicker. He didn't "forget" to do these things because he was playing video games or watching TV. He was reading a book and didn't pay attention to the time. He was playing with his 7 year old sisters when most boys his age have not one kind word for theirs. He was practicing songs on guitar for church events. Now, where do we draw the line. He didn't do what he knew he had to do but was engaged in noble pursuits. Every child needs down time but I also need to teach him the value of doing what is expected of him. One must do one's service. I don't want to nag the kid especially when his response is, "Sorry, I was reading." So is this an out and out case of a child disobeying or do I cut him some slack? For now the rule is no reading, playing with sisters, or guitar until your chores are done. And by the way, you are an awesome kid.......

The Epidemic of Micromanaging

Micromanaging is one of the most overused words in the English language as of late, but it is the topic of discussion today.  You all know someone who micromanages. I myself have at times been a micromanager. You know these people. The ones who stand over you while you do a project or point out when your t's are not crossed and your i's not dotted. I know way too many people who micromanage their homes. Their children's rooms must always be spotless and you no sooner start drinking out of a glass than it's been swiped out from under you and placed in the dishwasher. But stop and think now of how many people micromanage their children. I bet you can think of several. These parents stand over their children through every step of their homework, prod them into every decision, and plan every minute of their existence. I can safely say I know at least one micromanger because at one point I was one. But I have come to realize that this is not helping my children and very probably hindering them.  I don't want my child calling me from college in a few years to do homework over the phone and yes, that really happens.

This year it is my personal goal to stop micromanaging my children. To that end, I am no longer monitoring them as they do homework, I am no longer picking anybody's clothes, and they are making their own school lunches. Now, before some of you call me out as a negligent parent, let me clarify. My children are not eating roots and berries to survive, they still have bedtimes that are strictly enforced, and they are not being raised by a pack of wolves. I am, however, teaching them to make their own decisions and manage their own affairs. They are expected to do their own homework. I do not stand over them or tell them what they should have done on each assignment. I check their work when they are finished and am available for help and questions. My son has already figured out that waiting until Sunday to do his written homework is probably not the best idea. If I had told him to do it each day he would have gotten it done earlier in the week but wouldn't have learned the lesson. In fact, I have been nagging him to get his homework done each day for years now but it wasn't until he was left on his own that he learned the lesson. All 3 kids (aged 10 and 7) are now making their own lunches. I am standing by to make sure they don't have 3 different kinds of cookies or candy bar sandwiches. I cut apples and make sure tops are on bottles tightly. I'm not a lazy parent or a mean parent. I'm a loving parent who wants my children to understand that what they put in their bodies matters. If I dictate what they eat this will be a hard earned lesson. What I have learned is they make better choices with their food than I do sometimes. I have cut a lot of carrots and apples this first week of school.

Our children are capable of doing these things alone.....if we let them. I'm not saying there shouldn't be rules or guidelines that are enforced in our homes. I'm saying that society has taught us that if we don't dictate everything our kids do, we don't care about our kids and we are not raising them well. Nonsense! If we love them we will give them the opportunity to let them use the tools they already have to make it in the real world. We want our children to be able to make their own decisions in the work force, for their families, and for themselves without having to call home to ask our opinion.  These kids will be grownups soon and I don't want to be making their lunch when they are 30!

Priorities

If asked today what my priorities in life are, without thinking I would say God and my family. I think most people I know would respond similarly. I consider keeping a neat home, cooking, and teaching my children about God to be my priority. Sometimes I become a slave to that priority, doing nothing else but that. And then there are the times when I chuck my priorities out the window and spend 2 hours on YouTube watching videos of Sinatra and Elvis.  if we stopped and actually wrote down how we spend our time every day I think some of us would be embarrassed or confused. Embarrassed because 3 hours was spent on Facebook or confused because our kids don't consider the 2 hours we took cleaning the house to be placing them as a priority. I'm not suggesting that Facebook is horrible.  I happen to love "FB" and we all need a break everyday. I'm not suggesting , of course, that we shouldn't keep a neat home or that doing the dishes is bad (well, maybe I am, a little). What I'm saying is that it's how we prioritize these things that causes us a problem.


I haven't been blogging as much lately. My kids are home for the summer and there are tons of things that seem to take up my time. I can (and have) beaten myself up for this. Then I tried a little activity. I wrote down everything I did for a whole morning. I drank coffee sitting next to my little girl while watching I Love Lucy (the one in the candy factory) and caught some giggles. I taught my son long division so he'll be prepared for 5th grade. I danced in the kitchen to The Beach Boys with my kids. We read about Joseph and his brothers and talked about how God has a plan in everything He does in our lives.  I didn't get a lot of the things done I "should" have. The dishes were still in the sink, no blog was written that day, and dinner that night was grilled cheese sandwiches. But the kids were happy and relaxed, and grilled cheese with Swiss and pepper jack was quite tasty. All in all a pretty successful day. I didn't spend 3 hours doing nothing and I didn't spend 3 hours doing everything. Happy medium. Today let's all write down what we do for 3 or 4 hours. Is it what you had hoped for? Did you relax and enjoy the moment or were you The Energizer Bunny? Did you lose 3 hours of your life on a Desperate Housewives Marathon? Did you spend 3 hours cleaning every square inch of your home and expect the whole world to prioritize that right along with you? Were your priorities for you or your family detrimental to your relationship with God or your family? Were you selfish with your priorities? Talk your list over with God and ask him to help you see where you might have been too relaxed or too strict with your priorities.

No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.  Matthew 6:24  No one can serve both God and money. Or God and fanatical house cleaning. Or God and Facebook. Or gambling. Or alcohol. Or fill in the blank. What's in your blank?

Shrinky Dinks and Bubblicious

I'm sitting here, in my living room, listening to 50s music and smelling a terrific smell. A blast from the past, if you will. My children have just discovered the lovely, purpley, gummy goodness that is....Grape Bubblicious. No, it does not change color 3 times, or keep its flavor for 24 hours. It has sugar and no telling what else in it, but it's grapey, and bubbly, and gooey, and good. It's Bubblicious. Sometimes the old things are just better. Coca Cola Classic is classic for a reason. Remember Fruit Striped Gum? Did anybody have a Dancerella or a GI Joe with the fuzzy hair? How about Lincoln Logs? Remember when we used imagination and all of our senses to play? My children refer to those long lost days as "back then". Back when times were a little simpler. Now kids are nuking braincells all day with video games and computer "fun" and they never touch a toy. They never learn to identify grape awesomeness when they smell it. It's time to intervene, parents!

Does your child look spaced out, hopped up, or fear daylight ? Does the mere mention of taking away games, Xbox, or computers cause them to shake uncontrollably. Yes, that's an addict. When handed a jump rope or a  Rubik's Cube, do they begin to look for the on button or ask, "What does it do?" Yes, you have a problem. You need to start detox immediately. Here are the steps.
1. Play Old Maid. When the child begins to laugh uncontrollably when they get the old girl, you can move on to step 2.
2. Play a game of Four Square in the backyard. (Be careful, you are not as young as you used to be.)
3. Give them a piece of Zebra Striped gum and watch them for signs of enjoyment.

If these efforts fail you may have to revert to shock therapy. Buy them Shrinky Dinks or GI Joe. Tell them about the hours you used to spend playing with Colorforms and Barrel of Monkeys.  If you hear, "That might have been cool," you are home free. They are back. And you might have some old fashioned fun yourself!

Check out this site for retro toys we actually played with" back then".

Downtime

For the past month, since my kids got out of school I have been making lists. Lists of all the things I think the kids and I need to accomplish during this summer. The office needs to be cleaned out. The kids need to learn some basic math facts I feel they didn't learn last year. They all want to learn about other subjects like presidents, World War II, and Egyptians. We want to redo the downstairs bathroom and I would love for the kids to learn some Bible verses. Chores need to be done daily and the house needs to be ready for family visits. There are doctors appointments for checkups and I'm requiring the kids to read a certain number of books. This is exhausting. Not to mention the fact that summer is supposed to be fun so we need to schedule in some beach and lots of playtime. Why did I think all this had to be done? Statistics say that kids lose more than 2 months of knowledge over the summer and start school the following year in the hole. I rarely have time during the school year to teach them as much as I'd like about the Bible or the various subjects they want to learn about. I'd like the kids to help clean out some of the areas they caused to be a mess in the first place. But after 4 weeks of this pace I'm losing my mind and the kids are not really any closer to meeting some of my goals. And there is the problem: my goals.


We will always hear that we need to do more for our kids. We should have taught them more, made them read more, and so and so's kids are way ahead of yours in 50 different areas. I'm beginning to have this sneaking suspicion though that adults with their statistics and should haves are gumming up the works!! Left to their own devices and not over scheduled, my kids have created a roller coaster out of K'nex, learned to swim like fish, and really importantly, learned how to relax and just enjoy each others' company. Maybe my lists and I need to go jump in a lake. Maybe I'm the only over achiever mom out there, making lists, and plans for their children's entire summer, but I seriously doubt it. I know too many stressed out moms. Let's make a pact, moms....let's chill out and see what happens. Let's have fun and if we find out after a month that our kids have forgotten how to spell their names, we'll do something about it then. I think in this day and time there is something to be said for learning how to relax. School will come around again soon enough and we need to be ready, but I think today the list can go in the trash. What do you think?

I'm just sittin' on the dock of the bay...wastin' time. ~ Otis Redding

A Life Extraordinary

On family movie night this weekend we all settled in to watch Night at the Museum. It was an OK movie, nothing that just jumped out at me. Pretty ordinary. Except for one line in the movie that caught my attention. The onscreen son Nick says to onscreen dad Larry, "What if you're just an ordinary guy who should just get a real job?" An ordinary guy. Most of us lead ordinary lives. We do our laundry, go to the grocery store, and pay our taxes. But everyday we are extraordinary. Maybe we teach a child something they didn't know or help someone who is hurt. Maybe we help someone to know Christ or volunteer somewhere. That's why it's called extraordinary. Maybe at first glance it seems ordinary, but it may be that little bit extra that makes all the difference in the world. We are all extraordinary in some way. Maybe you are creative. To me that's extraordinary because I can't draw stick people. Maybe you are that teacher that a child is going to remember for the rest of their life because you were kind, compassionate, or knew all the cool science experiments. That's extraordinary.

What about our children? I have one child that is endlessly creative, one that is logical beyond belief, and one that is a born leader. My job in this ordinary world on this ordinary day is o show them that their ordinary self is extraordinary. Simply by being Christ's children they became extraordinary. Now add in where their talents can take them and you have an author, a scientist, or a president. Our job is to bring out the extraordinary in our children. To love them and encourage them to the stars. No one is ordinary. Today find your extraordinary and the extraordinary in your children. It's there just waiting to be discovered.

Bloom, Darn It! Bloom!

You've heard the old saying, "Bloom where you are planted". I think there is a lot of truth to this adage and sometimes I bloom and sometimes, not so much. Sometimes, I stomp my feet and refuse to take root and generally refuse to turn my face to the Son. But today I want to talk about times when we, or our children, simply can't bloom where we are planted. This has happened to everyone at one time or another. Someone from work, church, home, or community has asked you to do something that you just don't want to do. Maybe you are afraid you can't do the job, don't want to do the job, or simply are too overloaded to do the job. Any number of things can happen in this situation. God may clear the path and help you get the job done and in the end you come away feeling more blessed than ever. Maybe during the course of the task you find out you had strength or a desire to do something you didn't know you had. But sometimes you come away knowing you should have never agreed to do it in the first place. Sometimes we agree to do things that we know we shouldn't do and that God never meant for us to do because other people have a desire for something and want you to bloom at their say so. We need to learn to say "no" to some things and "yes" to the things God wants us to do. There is a whole other blog there.

But what happens when we ask our children to bloom where they are planted to fulfill a desire we have for them. Most likely it is a situation or event in which we know the child can bloom and we want the best for them. Sometimes however, I think it may be a desire for glory, or recognition, or just plain stubbornness on our part that causes us to ask a child to bloom. Perhaps you want your child to play a sport you were really good at as a child but the child would prefer to take up photography. Maybe you are pushing the "straight A" issue but the child is truly a "B" student. Maybe you think the child would just be great at this or that at church but the child wants the floor to open and swallow them whole every time they have to participate. Do we push them to bloom then? There are many occasions when I have to nudge (push) my children for their own good because I know their capabilities better than they do. Parents are awesome like that. But there are other times when I look at one of the kids and realize they would rather be anywhere else than in the planter I've placed them in, hoping to bloom so I will be happy. It then becomes time to relocate them to another planter. So how do we know? I've said this many times before (I know, I've beaten a dead horse) but we have to learn to listen to our children. God certainly has made them smart little creatures. If your child says they'd rather die than be in a school play, it may not be too much of an exaggeration. You may be killing their bloom. If the child is just not living up to potential, then yes, water them and take them outside daily. But listen to your child. Hear God's voice through them, "This spot is not where I wanted you to be planted. Let's try another!"

Bloom where you are planted. ~ Author Unknown

Remember When....

Remember when we were kids and we hopped on our bikes and rode to friends' houses around the neighborhood? Remember when you had to come in the house when the light turned on and off in front of your house at night? Remember when your mom wasn't afraid to let you go to the bathroom by yourself at a store or restaurant? Those days, sadly, are gone. A friend of mine posed a question to her fellow mothers today that is a question we all have asked in light of the times in which we currently live. When is a child old enough to ________________? When is my child old enough to go to a public bathroom by themselves (because I'm going to be worried the whole time that someone is going to hurt them)? When can my child walk to a friend's house alone (because I'm going to be worried the whole time that someone is going to snatch them)? When can my child stay alone at home (because I'm going to be worried the whole time that the boogieman is going to come knock on the door)? Are we being worry warts or are these valid questions? How will our children learn to fend for themselves if we have to keep them so close for so long?

I think parents have every right to be afraid. Children are taken, molested, and harmed everyday close to home. But how do we parent with these fears? How do I let my 10 year old learn to stand up for himself if I keep him tied to my apron strings until he is 20? How do I teach my children not to live in fear but be confident enough to stand up for themselves? These are difficult questions I'm not sure I have the answers to yet. I try not to live in fear of what I know is out there, but at the same time not be careless. I try to give them inches of freedom because by college they will need miles of freedom. I try to give them the tools to take care of themselves, but stay close enough to jump in if needed. There are no rules for any of these issues and this topic does not appear in my "Parenting Guidebook". Things I would let my 10 year old do I probably won't let my 6 year olds do until they are 16. It's a day by day process. There are differences in how each child will handle situations, gender differences, and age differences that factor in to each decision. The only thing I can suggest is to be prepared. Know your stand before your child asks so you won't be tempted to make a hasty decision. Know your age requirements for staying home alone before he/she asks. Know how old your son needs to be before he goes into the public bathroom without you. If you are nervous ask yourself if it's a valid fear or fear of the unknown. Act according to that "sixth sense" that God gave you and not the fear the enemy plants in your mind. Post comments letting me know what parenting issues you are struggling with in light of the current state of the world. We're all in this together.....

Obladi Oblada...Life Goes On

The song says, "Obladi, oblada, life goes on." Things change, problems arise. But life goes on. How you handle this is the real question. Do you build a home sweet home and do your pretty face, or do you get mired down in the situations life throws at you? Our children are consistently watching us to see how we deal with life's little irritations. Someone cuts in front of you in line and you lose it. Another child is mean to yours and you go on a tirade about the child and his parents. Or maybe you say nothing......ever. You sit and do nothing as life falls around you. How do we teach our children when we need to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and be the "doers" God has called us to be, and when to be still and quiet and let God work it all out. I think the answer is we are called to do both. We are called to pray to God in times of trouble and to listen for the answer. But when he calls us to move we should never sit on our hands. If He calls us to move He will be with us every step. We teach our children by our actions. Are our children watching us sit and do nothing that God has called us to do? We need to teach our children that when bad things happen, and they will, we can either complain about the situation or take positive steps to change the situation. Having  an action to take is sometimes the most comforting thing in a child's eyes. Even if that action is simply praying and being positive. It is still taking action. Of course we are not called to go full throttle into a situation to "fix it" without having thought or prayed it through. But standing still, taking no action whatsoever, is not "fixing it" either. So let's teach our children to PAT. Pray for guidance. Act according to God's will. Thank God for His guidance. Standing still, wringing my hands has never worked for me and it won't work for my children. Life goes on....let's go on with it.

Mother's Intuition

I was watching the very first episode of  the Dick Van Dike Show last night. The episode was the one in which Rob wants Laura to go to an office get together with him but she doesn't want to because she has a feeling that Ritchie is going to get sick while she is gone. Laura tells Rob it's women's intuition that something is going to happen. They go anyway, and sure enough, something happens. Ritchie doesn't get sick but the babysitter hits her head and the doctor has to come to the house. God gives mothers this wonderful intuition to know when we need to be on guard against danger for our children. I can usually tell when one of mine is going to be sick based on a series of clues that only I seem to detect. Fathers have other parenting gifts but the intuition seems to be mainly a mother's gift. The question is, when does that intuition segue to fear and hypochondria. Laura was basing her whole feeling about Ritchie's impending illness on the fact that he didn't want a cupcake. I've done this before. I see a small insignificant look pass over my child's face and then I begin to worry. Is something wrong? Is he getting sick? Did someone hurt her feelings? I let it spiral out of control. I let Satan take the gift that God gave me and use it against me. So how do we know the difference between real trouble on the horizon and the times we're being lied to? I've found that letting an hour go by before I address the situation usually helps me discern between real and imaginary. During that hour I don't dwell and worry about the situation or ask the child about it at all. Then after the hour I ask myself about it again. Does the child seem unhappy now? Is the child looking green or coughing? If so, it's time to react to mother's intuition. If not, it's probably just your mind in over drive. We have to learn to use, but not overuse, the gifts we are given as mothers. While you are thinking about that, relax and enjoy the very first episode of The Dick Van Dike Show.

Stroller Faux Pas

I'm going to make some parents angry this morning I have no doubt, but there is an issue bugging me so here goes.....Our family just spent 5 wonderful days at Disney and 3 days at Sea World. My two 6 year old daughters were real troupers. They walked, sometimes over 10 miles in a day, without a complaint. We rested when we needed to rest, went to shows when the temperature was unbearable, and left when we needed to leave. Not once did either of them ask for me to put them in a stroller and push them through Disney. I wouldn't have blamed them if they had, it looked very inviting to be pushed all through the park and dropped off at the rides we wanted to get on. But we didn't hear a peep out of any of our children. What I couldn't get over were the sheer number of kids, well over my 10 year old's size and age, being pushed through Disney in strollers while they texted, ate, and complained. We're talking about kids whose knees were up around their ears because they were simply too large for the strollers they were folding themselves into. We're talking about kids who outweighed me. We're talking about poor parents who were pushing loads of preteen kids around to the rides, uphill, through crowds. We are NOT talking about kids who were disabled in some way or so young that you knew they were exhausted from walking on little legs. These kids would hop out at a ride and run to get into line. I don't have a problem with small children who get tired in Disney...that is to be expected. I have a problem with kids old enough to get a job taking advantage of their parents. It wasn't just a couple of kids. It was a park full. We as parents cannot declare our children lazy when we are unwilling to say "No" to some fundamental demands. If a child outweighs you, towers over you, or is otherwise healthy and capable of walking the answer should be, "No, you may not ride in a stroller!" As a society we like to complain about the unwillingness of an entire generation of children to work for anything. We can no longer complain while failing to equip our children with the necessary tools needed to make it in the world. I apologize if you are one of the parents I saw in Disney, but I urge you to take a look at your children and ask more from them. You might be very surprised what they are capable of if given the chance to hear, "No!"

OK, I'm walking away now!

I have had the pleasure of being at Walt Disney World, Orlando for 2 full days now and I must say, I have seen and been one of the happiest kids on Earth. I have also seen some of the unhappiest kids on earth while wandering from ride to ride in this oh-so-fabulous-place. Some of the "unhappies" were for obvious reasons. The fact that it was a billion degrees could have been a factor, or the fact that half these kids had had no naps or bedtimes in days. Those were understandable "crankies". But I saw at least 2 kids who were "unhappy" because of their own parents' mistakes. It's the "OK, I'm walking away now" style of parenting. Let's take the first case, a child of about 4 waiting in a rather lengthy line for a show at about 9:30 at night. The child was using all manner of behaviors to let mom know he was unhappy about the coming attraction. He sat down, screamed, cried, and generally was just staging a protest. Finally, as the line moved the mother, desperate, used a classic parenting technique. One that I have never actually seen work for my children or most other kids. She used the "OK, I'm leaving. Sit there if you want."  The child did not move. Now, this child knew the parent was not actually going to leave them because there is no telling how many other times this has been used. I did see a look of relief wash over the child's face as if he was thinking, "Excellent, now I can sit here and do what I want." A better approach would have been to be direct and let the child know, they are 4, you are in charge, and you are now going to see this show. If they don't do this there will be consequences. Then the kid knows where he stands, and you are not left standing there repetitively saying, "I'm leaving now," to a child who has no intentions of coming with you. I can hear parents now thinking that this directness will never work for them. It takes consistency and training but also has an added benefit of letting the child know that in the future, you mean what you say, and say what you mean.

So, the direct approach works for 4 year olds but what about teens? I know from discussions with teen parents, and from working with teens myself, that although teens are a completely different animal the direct approach also works for them. It just needs tweeking. I saw a teen last night waiting in front of Space Mountain and the teen was adamantly letting his mother know he did not, under any circumstances, want to ride the ride. The mother said, "Fine then, I'll go on and have fun without you." The she went on to beg said teenager to ride with her, while the teen argued. The direct approach in this case would be to say, "Fine, you don't have to ride the ride but I would like to know why you don't want to ride." Teens should have choices in some cases without the fear of guilt being dumped on them by their parents. Of course there are some cases when they don't have a choice. Drinking and driving, curfews and the like are non negotiable. But they have to start making choices somewhere and not riding this roller coaster was not affecting anyone but the teen. The parent also needs to find out why the teen doesn't want to go. Giving teens a chance to explain their thought process helps them work through choices while giving us an insight into the way they think.

Whether your child is 4 or 14, telling them you are walking away rarely works. Let's stay and listen, then ride the roller coaster together.

My Life As a Manatee

I spent the day yesterday at Sea World with Shamu. He was one of the most amazing creatures I have ever seen but after 2 days at the park I have come to one conclusion. I want to be a manatee. This is the way God intended it to be. Miss Manatee rolls her lovely tonnage through the water, simply floating. She's not worried about fad diets, carpools, or making the rent. She is not worried about what someone said about her at church or whether she let someone down. I'm sure Miss Manatee has problems of her own, but she doesn't show it. She breathes and she floats. Calmest creature I've ever seen. So today as we head to the Magic Kingdom I'm going to try to take it all in as a manatee. I'm going to be a manatee for my kids, unconcerned about the ice cream spilled on clothes or whether someone waited until we are in line for an hour at a roller coaster to say they have to go to the bathroom.  I am going to float and breathe. Today I want us all to live like manatees.

You're So Square

One of my favorite Buddy Holly songs has always been You're So Square (Baby, I Don't Care). Buddy sings, "I wonder why I love you Baby. I guess it's just because you're so square. Baby I don't care." I have always loved it's simple lyrics because being a bit of a square myself, I identify. My eldest, the Man Child, also happens to be a bit of a square. Man Child is unendingly ethical (no sneaking candy into the movies for this kid) and prone to holding everyone around him accountable for rules we never even knew existed. This is the kid that pushes until everyone is wearing helmets on a family bike ride and will nag you to death if you're not. He likes his hair short, and I mean if-it's-touching-his-ears-he-freaks-out short. His clothes are mostly blue or green. Shirts can't have sayings on them. I could go on and on.

What I have finally discovered about this square kid is that God is brilliant. He sent this kid first on purpose. Isn't He smart?? God knew that later would come another square child, but with her would also come the.....I don't even know what shape the other child is. She has jagged edges all around. She is whimsical and outgoing. Definately not square. So God sent me the square child first to help me with the jagged one. He keeps things orderly. But also, in God's infinite wisdom he also added some things to the Square eldest child that would help me deal with all of them. A dry, witty sense of humor to keep things fun. A bit of "prankster" to keep things whimsical. A sweet heart to love me when I feel I've failed with all of them. This morning he might be wearing bright orange flip flops with his blues and greens. The perfect little mix rolled up into one first born son. Ask yourself what traits your children have that you think God may have placed there for a very specific parenting purpose and then thank God for them. He is so good!

October 21

So Doomsday didn't happen on May 21st. As Gomer Pyle would say, "Surprise, surprise, surprise." As far as my children were concerned it was just another Saturday. My eldest asked me several days before what I thought about the prediction. I told him I only know the facts. We will not know the day or time that Jesus will come and in my opinion, to say you do is just a smidge conceited. That seemed to answer that question. On that particular Saturday we watched videos and saw pictures of other's opinions of the day. Some, I'll admit were pretty amusing, like all the pictures of clothes with no one in them because they were all gone. So maybe we used a bit of humor to mask some discomfort for this poor guy, and all his followers, who thought the world was going to end. And the world didn't end. We went on.

Then this morning I saw an article on CNN about the inexhaustible Mr. Harold Camping that now believes the end will be October 21, 2011. The little man who cried Apocalypse. I started thinking of this man and what I was going to teach my children about this new prediction and the others that would inevitably follow. I began to think that laughing at the poor man may be teaching my children poorly. Now, of course I don't believe we are being taken to Heaven on October 21st, but you have to give this man props for the courage of his convictions. He has lost all credibility and probably a few followers for his beliefs. Do we teach our children to take this as a joke or use this to teach tolerance for others? This guy truly believes what he says. Whether we choose to believe it or not is no longer the question. The new question is, how do I use this to teach my children to accept others, warts and all? It's a mighty big wart, but don't we all have one or two?

Twinkies and Ding Dongs

We were in Walmart a couple of days ago and found Ding Dongs. Haven't seen them in years! I was so excited that I couldn't leave the store without a box. If you've never heard of these fabulous delights or never had the pleasure of eating them I'll explain. They are little round Devil's food cakes with creme filling, covered in a chocolate coating. I'm sure you've had something similar like Ho Hos, Devil Squares, or Swiss Rolls. The thing about these little heart attacks in a package is that they share some common threads. They have no nutritional value, something better tasting can be found at any area bakery, and they all remind us of childhood. That's the hook. I can remember eating Ding Dongs and loving every bit of that crusty outside chocolate and gooey, fluffy middle. MOTH feels the same way about Twinkies. I happen to loathe Twinkies but it conjures up a great childhood memory for him. A small, tasty little memory.

The point is that these are the little things kids remember and take with them into adulthood. It doesn't have to be a huge trip or gift. It's a Twinkie or a Ding Dong. I asked my kids what some of their favorite memories are from their short little childhoods and they came up with going to get ice cream together, memories of a favorite teacher, and favorite dishes that I make. Little things. I am going to eat a Ding Dong and although I realize it might not taste quite the same as it did when I was a kid, it will be wonderful because it's not just a sweet....it's a Ding Dong. Sometimes we get so caught up in trying to outdo everybody we forget it's small memories that last, as well as the big ones. Ask your kids what their favorite memory is so far. You might be surprised by what you hear.

You've Got Some Splainin' To Do

Remember the time on I Love Lucy when Lucy decided to go to Grauman's Chinese Theater to steal John Wayne's square? Or the time when Lucy and Ethel decided to wallpaper Lucy's apartment? A lot of episodes ended with, "Lucy, you've got some splainin' to do!" With time on her hands Lucy just seemed to get into a lot of trouble. Perhaps you've heard "Idle hands are the Devil's playthings" or some variation of the famous saying. Today is the first day of summer vacation and I've already discovered something we won't be doing a lot of this summer because it brings out the very worst in my children. Gaming. Apparently it makes my children temporarily lose their minds and decide to do weird things. One child demands that everyone play a certain game, another child wants to play alone without the others, resulting in some unkind words. As soon as the game was turned off there was no more fighting and some very imaginative play took place. I think a lot of parents understand that unlimited gaming isn't good for their children and results in idle hands (figuratively, not literally). The problem is, it is such a good babysitter and keeping kids occupied is such a chore, that umlimited game time is what we revert to. After the game and TV were turned off and there was nothing electronic to keep them occupied, the kids figured out on their own how to keep themselves occupied. They discovered that boredom can actually be quite stimulating. Two children are now playing with a long lost set of Legos and one child is playing with army men. Now, of course the day is not over and we have a whole summer to go, but I'm going to see how long this experiment works. I'm going to let them be bored with interspersed outings to the beach and the water park nearby. It has to be better than an entire summer of hearing them be selfish about who's turn it is on the Wii or which Looney Toons they should watch.

The Jesus Fish

At least once a week I pass someone on the road that has their Jesus Fish on the bumper of the car. You know the Jesus Fish, right? Plastic fish shape that has a cross or the word Jesus in the middle, proclaiming to the world that these people donning the Jesus Fish are Christians. Usually I smile and think, "Yes! A fellow Christian." These people are typically amiable drivers who give the right of way and don't choose to camp out in the trunk of your car due to following too closely. Occasionally however, there are those Jesus Fish people that make you wonder if they just bought the car from another Jesus Fish person. They cut you off, drive too fast, follow too closely and occasionally use their hands in less than Jesus Fishy ways.

Have you ever thought that as a parent you have a Jesus Fish plastered on your forehead? As you drive through your day, are you the person that your children (and others) look at and say, "Yes! A fellow Christian."? Or are you a stinky driver, leaving your children wondering who you swiped the fish from? You need to earn, own, and rock the Jesus Fish. Your children are looking to you for guidance and every action teaches them in a way that 30 Sundays in Sunday School can't. I'll admit that I sometimes need to give back my fish. Some days I wear it proudly. How is your fish?

Liar, Liar Pants on Fire

Most of us know that Satan is the ultimate liar. He tells big fat whoppers like Christians are crazy and Jesus wasn't really the Messiah. He also tells us little subtle lies like we're overweight and we aren't loved. He lies to us about our kids, too. No matter how many accomplishments we can list about our kids there is that one moment in which Satan lies to us and makes us begin to question. A test score comes back less than you know it should be and you begin to question your child's intellect. Someone tells you your child was rude and you begin to wonder if you're raising a little heathen. Little lies. I've said it before but it's a worthwhile exercise so let's do it again. Let's look at our children through God's eyes. What truths does he reveal to us about our children? Are they great artists, athletes, academics, or best of all, little Jesus lovers? As usual I'm not condoning being blind to truths about our children that are harder to take and require discipline. I'm simply suggesting that in each little love of our life, there are beautiful characteristics that no lie can take away. Make a list if you need to, for each child, of all the wonderful truths you know about them. While you're at it, do you need to make one for yourself? And tomorrow when your feet hit the floor tell Satan he's a liar, liar pants on fire!

In the Summertime

In our beloved Florida town, the children have 2 3/4 more days of school left. The Man Child says 3/4 for the last day because they get out an hour early. I feel very blessed that I am able to spend the summer at home with my kids but poor MOTH has to work this summer as most parents do. I think he needs the rest as much as the kids.  I intend to use this summer as a time to build my kids up spiritually and physically. Lots of exercise and lots of Bible. I want them to relax and renew. As parents, working or not, I think it's important to have a relax and renew time for your family. It doesn't necessarily have to be the summer but that seems to be the easiest time for most.

I recently read an article from someone who advocates year round school. In the article, LZ Granderson states that we need year round school to compete globally. We were competing globally before there was year round school. If schools are teaching decent curriculum during the school year there is no need to have year round school. I agree with Mr. Granderson that too many kids are spending too much time over the summer on video games and TV. However, with a growing number of children and adolescents being diagnosed with anxiety disorders and depression I think instead of year round school we need to take a closer look at what is going on in our homes and schools before we make such a drastic educational decision. What can we do this summer to build our children up, help them set goals, but mainly to just relax? I intend to let mine swing, swim, hear Bible stories and hopefully have some "Weeeeeeee" moments. I want them mentally, physically, and emotionally prepared for next school year and there will be chores and rules, but mainly there will be a lot of fun.  We did it when we were kids and I think we're OK, don't you?

"In the summertime when the weather is high, you can stretch right up and touch the sky. " Mungo Jerry

Clearing the Clutter

I haven't been blogging the last few days because my computer went berserk after I opened an email from a friend that had a trojan that infected my computer. Now, of course my friend didn't send it, but I opened it because as usual I was in a hurry and didn't stop to think that perhaps it might be anything strange. Lesson learned. The problem stemmed from my cluttered thinking. I was in a hurry which, like most parents, is a constant state of affairs. I started looking around our home and realized that the whole thing is cluttered. Over the weekend, two important items belonging to two different children in my home were misplaced. Still haven't found one of them. We quizzed the kids about the last known location of the item but no one could remember anything. I felt like I was in a Bill Cosby skit. "Why did you do that?" "I dunno!" Apparently my children are suffering from disorganized space and minds also. I began to wonder how God was supposed to get through all my clutter, both tangible and mental, to tell me what He needs me to know? Now, we all know He finds a way, but am I putting up road blocks when I am so disorganized. My children cannot hear what I need for them to hear and understand what God needs for them to understand in a disorganized situation. Anybody who knows me knows I'm not discussing perfection. I don't think for one minute that with 3 kids, 2 harried adults, and a Basset Hound that sleeps in the house 20 hours a day, I am going to have a spotless house. I do think though that God likes order and disorganization just gives Satan a little foothold. So let's decide today where we are keeping clutter, whether in our minds, hearts, or households, and clear it out. Open the windows and clear it all out.

Here is a useful link to organizing your life and home.

http://www.flylady.com/

Mother Bear Syndrome

You've been there. Your child is dealt, what you perceive to be, an inexcusable blow. One of your children's friends says something that hurts their feelings. A teacher accuses your child of doing something you know seems way out of character. Your child gets skipped over during tryouts for a team you know they'd be great at. Suddenly, out of nowhere, you grow teeth, claws, hair and begin growling at the nearest person. You have Mother Bear Syndrome. There is no cure and furthermore, you don't want to be cured. This syndrome was given to you by God to protect your children from harm. 

Unfortunately, with most gifts that God gives us, there is need for discernment and many of us are lacking this trait. We have to learn to use the Syndrome for His glory and that is where plenty of parents mess up. Without waiting to see if our child really did what they are accused of or whether making this team is what God has planned, we strike and leave a trail of carnage in our wake. There are times when it is absolutely necessary for us to fight for our babies, no matter how old they are. But there are times when we should pause, pray, and proceed cautiously. Not out of fear, but instead with the same self control we want our children to use. Believe me, this is a hard task. Daily, there are times when I want to go all "bear" on someone who hurts the cubs, but sometimes this just isn't what we are called to do. The Syndrome holds great power, but also requires great wisdom. Embrace you bearness!

"What If?" Mentality

There was a terrific Disney musical, circa 1967, starring Fred MacMurray and a very young Lesley Ann Warren called The Happiest Millionaire. MacMurray who plays Anthony Drexel Biddle is quite a character, who among other things keeps alligators in the family's mansion, as pets. At one point, irritated that no family is around to console him after he is bitten by one of the alligators, he says (actually sings), "I've been bit on my finger, it could've been my leg. It could have been my head, I might have died." I call this, "What if?" mentality. I was really only bitten on the finger, but what if it had been my head? I just slammed on my brakes to avoid hitting that car. What if the other car had not sped up when they did? I might have hit them. What if that bill can't be paid? What if my child gets sicker? What if I'm the only one who "what ifs" all the time? As my relationship with Christ has strengthened I have noticed that the "what ifs" lessen because His "what ifs" are all for our good.

It is my prayer that as parents we will begin to change the "what if" question for our children. MOTH is the eternal optimist. I affectionately call him Pollyanna because he "what ifs" but his "what ifs" are different than most people's. What if we could give to this charity? What if this child has his own Christian band someday? What if that person really meant that remark in a kind, loving way? His "what ifs" are dreams and hopes he has for his family, his business, and the world. What if we taught our children to "what if" to the stars? The ability to imagine a world in which they can accomplish anything and can dream big is a great gift. God wants that for us. So the question I have for you today is, "What if?"

Where Did You Come From?

I've noticed recently on a few different occasions that after I meet someone for the first time, I start seeing them seemingly everywhere I go. I'll see them repeatedly at my kids' school, the grocery store, church, etc. After pondering this for a few minutes, I realized a big reality. They were there the whole time; I just never noticed them because I was too wrapped up in my own world. Just like those people that I met and had never really taken notice of before, there are many people out in the world that we all come in contact with and never really notice. We don't notice that they are hurting, lonely, or just wanting to be noticed. What type of Christian example are we setting by not noticing and not helping? You've all heard, "Go and preach the Gospel, if necessary use words." How great would the world be if we could do this? We should have God oozing from every pore in our body. Those around us should be able to see that we are Godly men and Godly women before we even speak, and especially after we speak. It occurred to me that this one of the many areas where I frequently fail, especially when I am oblivious to those hurting and suffering right in front of me. So my challenge for the day is to, "Go and take notice." See what is around you, starting with your own spouse and children.

The Perfect Line

We hear a lot these days about how this generation of children just doesn't seem to care, has no ambition, no goals. In some ways I agree, but I think part of the cause may be our fault as parents. My husband and I have very high expectations for our children and expect them to try their hardest in all areas without exception. If you don't set the bar high they will never learn to strive. Overall that has been effective, but then there are the areas where our children simply can't get to the bar. They try their hardest and just can't get it. Maybe it's a subject at school or a sport. We have all seen parents who absolutely lose it on the ball field when their child fails to hit the ball, win the game, or score the goal. We look at these parents and feel sorry for them, glad that we never freak out like those parents. I know though that there are areas where I may have freaked out a bit over failure. Grades, test scores, or a pig sty room can all send me into a tail spin. Teachers can demand perfection as well. My children have had teachers that threw the word "perfect" around like it was achieved everyday. This left the kids feeling like failures because perfection was never attained. When we demand more than our children can possibly ever give they feel misunderstood and feel as though they disappoint us. I wonder if the reason this generation just doesn't seem to care is that perfection can never be obtained, so they give up.

Where is the perfect line between perfectionism and high standards? Why do we expect perfection but say we don't? Are we are afraid of how others will judge us and our children? Is it a genuine desire for our children to achieve? What if God expected us to be perfect and then berated us when we were not? These are some questions we need to ask ourselves. I intend to continue to have high expectations for my children. I also intend to continue letting them know that when the day comes that they cannot reach the bar (and it will) I will still love them and be proud of them. Every child cannot be star on the team, have straight As, and be perfectly organized. Today I want to see my children for who they are, flaws and all, and love them. Isn't that what was given to us by our Father?

Here's an interesting article on perfectionism and children.

Barbie Beautiful

Most women I know played with Barbie as a child. If you're a man, perhaps you tortured Barbie as a child. Either way you are familiar with the blond bombshell icon. As a mother I have contemplated the real body image of Barbie wondering what harm it might do to my little girls. I didn't spend much time thinking about it though, and of course my daughters own their fair share of Barbies. I did try to buy a doll that looks more like me once. I bought the Family Loving House. The mother is flat chested, slim hipped, and has short mousy brain hair. It's me! She looks "normal". The Family Loving House Dad is not buff and his jeans are not super tight Ken jeans. He looks "normal". Well, of course, Barbie and all her flashy, fashion forward friends came to visit at The Family Loving House making the Mom feel  frumpy and in need of some Botox, or perhaps a little nip and tuck.

This unfortunately is the world we still live in as adult women.  We see magazine covers that show beautiful women with personal trainers and nutritionists that fit into size 0 pants. Zero shouldn't even be a size. They have no wrinkles, no stretch marks, and their hair falls perfectly every time. Imagine how life must feel for those of us with frizzy hair, flat chests, and stomachs that look like they have seen combat. Society tells us that we should, at all costs, strive to be these models of loveliness. Completely unrealistic. 1 Samuel 16:7 says that the Lord sees not as man sees. Man looks on outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart. Genesis 1:27 says that we are made in the image of God. Now forgive me if you don't agree, but I believe that God never expected to have His image plumped with silicon. I believe He did intend for us to be healthy, taking good care of the body He gave us. After that, the lines get hazy. Where is the end of "taking good care" of the body He gave us and the beginning of vanity? I just want my girls to understand that in most cases what God gives you is not Barbie beautiful. It's God beautiful. We are all beautiful. With the wrinkles, and the wild hair, and the bulges in all the wrong places. We are beautiful. Our daughters are beautiful just as they are, created in God's image.

This video shows what a life sized Barbie would actually look like. It's nearly comical.

Excess (Part 7 of 7) - Music

I have often told my children that you can find God anywhere if you are looking for Him. This discussion often arises in relation to music. It's becoming harder and harder, though to find God in current music. It's not all bad, but there is some music out there that I think could be used for torture purposes. I'm not old (exactly) or a prude, but some of the music the younger generation is listening to, in my opinion barely qualifies as music. I love the 50s and 60s. Love surf music, the Rat Pack, and Buddy Holly. I am OK with my kids listening to it. Some other parents I know don't let their kids listen to anything but Christian music and I think that's OK too. My concern is parents who don't know what their children are listening to. Currently on the top 20 there is a very sexually explicit song called "Down On Me" by Jeremih that I'm not even sure I'm old enough to listen to. We have Rihanna with "S&M" and I need say no more about that one. Then there's "Blow" by Ke$ha that frankly I'm too afraid to probe too much because I'm still a nice girl.

Supposedly, when Buddy Holly (actually Holley for those of you interested in that little piece of trivia) began playing at a roller rink in his hometown of Lubbock, TX as a teen he was not well received by the older generation because of the Rock and Roll he played.  Elvis had the same effect and was only shown from the waist up on The Ed Sullivan Show because of his gyrating. I'll tell you, I will take Maybe Baby and Hound Dog over some of the songs played today. I always said I wasn't going to be one of those parents that refused to listen to current music and was old before my time, because that is what happened some 60 years ago to decent young people just trying to express themselves. I've changed my mind. There may be some things that are better left unexpressed. So, if you aren't certain what your children are listening to, start listening. Keep an open mind, but start listening. You may be surprised by what you find.

Excess (Part 6 of 7) - Parties

I DVR'd the Royal Wedding this morning for my little princesses to watch when they get home from school. OK, truth, I really want to watch it myself. I was 8 when Diana and Charles married in 1981 and for years I was obsessed with her and her sheer princessness. In 1986, Prince Andrew married Sarah (Fergie) on my birthday. I got up at the crack of dawn to watch the proceedings. Not quite as grand as Charles and Diana's, it was nonetheless, a royal wedding. Now a new generation is watching this and sighing a little sigh. Isn't Kate beautiful? Isn't it romantic? They are royalty after all, so one would expect a wedding or any other party to be on a grand scale. But what about the rest of us. I'm speaking of excesses with parties and gift giving for our children. I have known of little 2 year old's birthday parties where there were ponies, bouncy houses, and "goody bags" that were on par with the rich and famous. Kids are getting TVs, cell phones, gaming systems, and all sorts of other high ticket items as gifts at younger and younger ages. My question is where do you go from there? Next year the child expects that and more. What ever happened to inviting a couple of neighborhood friends over for some cake and ice cream and maybe pin the tail on the donkey?

And the weddings! I'm living in mortal fear of having the twins decide to get married too close together. As twins, I'm secretly hoping for a double wedding to defray some of the cost. Forget college, we're saving for weddings. They have become in our society bigger, better, and "I can top you" weddings. Wedding dresses in excess of $10,000, cakes that are more than our annual salary (and that's just the groom's cake), gifts for the guests to take home that are nicer than anything my husband and I got at our own wedding. Where does it end? Again, what happened to standing before a minister saying "I do" and meaning it? It's time for simpler living. Let's leave the excess to the people who know how to do excess best. I want a simpler life where keeping up with the new Jones means we have a new game to play at a kid's party, and not the game of "Who Can Top This". Anybody with me?

Excess (Part 5 of 7) - Food

When  I was a little girl every time I ate an onion, especially if they had any sort of crunch to them, I gagged. There are foods we don't like. It's a fact. I think boiled okra is the most disgusting vegetable known to man, but MOTH loves it. This generation of children has found a way around this pesky little problem. They just refuse to eat all the foods that don't look, smell, or taste appetizing. Then the parent feels like the child might starve and makes them anything they will eat. If you have more than one child, you're looking at up to 4 or 5 meal preparations at one time to keep each child happy. I'm very familiar with this phenomenon because my test child (eldest) ate nothing but chicken nuggets, fries, and Pop Tarts with the crusts pulled off for about 2 years. When we moved from our home when he was almost 3 we found a pile of Pop Tart crusts behind his bed. He had been smuggling them to his room. He was so skinny I was afraid to not let him have the handful of foods he would eat. When the twins came, my Pediatrician set me straight. The child will not starve. I began serving dinner and dinner was dinner. I don't make a child eat something they just can't stand because let's face it, there are just some foods I won't eat either. But I also don't make anything else and I don't allow them to either. I usually serve a variety of foods, that way there are several choices for the pickiest child in the house, and I do have one. The child who survived off chicken nuggets and Pop Tarts now eats a wide variety of healthy foods as well as all sorts of ethnic foods. He won't go near a Pop Tart. The excessive cooking and serving multiple meals each day just leads to unhealthy habits and children that think if they say they want something else it magically appears.

The other food excess is overeating. I have a real problem with portion control. I love my food. But I realize as an adult that there are consequences when I over indulge. I feel miserable for one thing. It makes my exercise program that much harder to do when I'm lugging around 20 extra pounds. It gives me indigestion on top of it all. Children need to be taught portion control. It's a form of setting boundaries and teaching self control. The statistics say that for the year 2010, 3 out of 4 children were either overweight or obese. This puts them at high risk for coronary artery disease by their 30s. We as parents are responsible for this. Excesses of chips, cookies, and snacking in general have created these startling statistics. Some of the other excesses I have spoken of in this series are annoying. This one is just dangerous.

Worry is Like an Armadillo

Stay with me here. I'm departing (again) from my 7 part series on excess because this is on my mind and I'm willing to bet it's on others too. Not the armadillo part. The worry part. Years ago, before kids and when the only baby that lived in our home was a sweet Basset Hound named Tootsie, there was also an armadillo. One evening when MOTH was working a shift as a paramedic, I was awakened by the howling/barking that only hounds can produce. I went to the back sliding window and called for Toots. The howling continued until I was worried the neighbors would be awakened. It was 2:00 am after all. So, I found shoes, went outside, down the back steps and when I got to the backyard, encountered a sight I may never see again. There is my 55 lb. Basset being chased by an armadillo. Toot's ears were slicked back and she looked like she was being chased by the Devil himself. Her eyes shifted to me and she gave what looked like a "Help me!" look. I laughed a bit, thinking to myself that this was a small animal, Toots was a chicken, and I'm a large human. I figured I'd stomp my foot at the beast and it would run, frightened, for all it was worth. So I stomped my foot. About 2 minutes later the procession looked like this: Toots in the lead, me in my pajamas behind her, and the psychotic armadillo chasing the both of us. My stomping had not worked.

Sometimes worry is that armadillo. You think you are going to stomp your foot at it and make it go away but it ends up chasing you in the middle of the night. I've read all sorts of devotions on the topic of worry. Some say it's a sin. Some say it's because of our human nature and means we don't have enough faith. But let's face it, every now and then the armadillo creeps in when we feel what we love is being threatened. (The Devil is good at putting that little seed of worry and doubt out there.) Maybe it belongs there to help us find a solution we couldn't think of any other time. Of course, there is a point when there is too much worry, and that is a problem. It affects your health and your relationships with others. In all times of worry God wants us to seek Him. God will always win out against worry when we honestly seek Him. I'm happy to report that Toots and I escaped the armadillo unscathed that evening. I know that God will see us all through the worry that creeps in at night. Seek Him, and stomp away the worry today.


So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today. (Matthew 6:34)

Old Man's Memory

As a Father and Husband, we are tasked by God to be the spiritual leader in our household (although it seems that most often the Mom/Wife assumes this role). Although I do think it would be great for a husband and a wife to assume a co-leadership position for leading a family through the daily walk in life, stepping up to this role is something that most of us men fail to do. We get too busy with our jobs or our extra activities such as golf, exercising, sports, coaching, or a multitude of other activities. With these preoccupations, we lose sight that our focus should be on God first, then our family. It is ingrained in our beings to be the provider for our families so we get so caught up in getting ahead financially, that we end up paying the cost with loss of family time. One problem that I have is that my kids seem to know more about the Bible than I do. My brain just does not retain the information like it use to; whereas, my kids soak it up like a sponge. I have to read some verses 10 times to their one time, to memorize it. I know for myself, I have to work more on memorizing and familiarizing myself with more of the Bible so that I can be a better spiritual leader in my household. Here is a little trick that I have started using. I am creating my own screen savers with a Bible verse that scrolls across the screen. After some length of time (whatever it takes for me to memorize it - maybe a week, maybe a month, depending on how the brain is working), I will change it to a different verse. Creating your own screen savers may sound difficult, but it's really easy. I have Windows XP so here are instructions for XP. Instructions for other versions of Windows will be similar.

1. Click on Start then Control Panel.
2. If the Control panel opens up in the Classic view click on Display. If it opens in Category view, click on Appearance and Themes then Choose a screen saver.
3. When the Display Properties screen opens up, select Marquee and click on the Settings button.
   
   
4. In the text box, type in the Bible verse you want to remember, adjust the scrolling speed, and click on OK.
   

It is that simple. While this won't be the flashiest screen saver you could have, it may hopefully help us to think of God and improve ourselves a little among our busy schedules of life.

Excess (Part 4 of 7) - Clothing

A few weeks ago we went to the roller rink for some good old fashioned family fun. We were disappointed. The music was not fit for anyone to listen to (I'll address that in another blog) but what really got us was the attire on a great many of these little girls. My 10 year old son said he just didn't know where to look. Low cut tops, behinds hanging out from beneath the shortest shorts I've ever seen on girls of 10-13 years of age. Too sexy, too soon. These girls are not being taught that whatever is under their clothes only needs to be seen by the husband they will someday have. Also, if they're wearing the smallest shorts known to human kind now, what will they be wearing (or not) by the time they are 17. I'm not advocating covering every square inch of these little girls. I'm just wondering what happened to modesty? I'm referring to all that excess skin. Leave something to the imagination....

The other clothing excess that gets me is the need for brands. Now, I love a good piece of well made clothing as much as the next diva but I don't own a $100 pair of jeans. But I know a lot of teens that do. Again, where do you go from there? Jeans that are $200?? Don't get me started on these guys with their pants sagging either. Really guys, I don't care what color underoos you have on today!! If you have to hold your pants up while you walk across the parking lot, get a belt. That's what our parents told us, right? For Heaven sake, cover it up, pull it up, and save your money.

Showing Easter Grass Some Love

I'm departing today from my 7 part series on excess to discuss Easter grass. I believe I just heard a collective groan from every parent on earth.  You know the plastic Easter grass that we parents put in our children's Easter baskets year after year, even though we loathe the stuff. It shows up wound around the bar at the bottom of our vacuums. It finds its way into our washing machines. There are pieces in rooms that they should never be found in. We see it all year round even though it's supposed to be put in the trash on Easter afternoon. Well, this year MOTH and I were so smart. We decided to get beach buckets (big ticket items for little beach bums) for the kids' Easter goodies and figured they would never notice that the Easter grass was missing. They didn't, score one for us! Except that there is still Easter grass all over my living room and under my couch. It is there because when I pulled out their Easter baskets from last year and all those plastic eggs to be hidden, it was lurking there. And now I will see it for another year.

So maybe there's a reason why the Easter grass keeps haunting me. According to about.com the origin of Easter grass appears to have come from the idea that Easter eggs were left in grassy areas by the Easter Bunny, and then children searched through the grass for these wonderful prizes. The grass is a symbol. I started to think of other grassy areas surrounding Easter. I'm betting there was grass in the Garden of Gethsemane.  Grass reminds me of all the times my children have run through the grass playing and having the time of their lives running to find Easter eggs filled with candy. Grass grows in the spring when everything is fresh and renewed. Grass is awesome. So maybe I should quite hating on the Easter grass and give the grass its props. I decided I love the Easter grass and all it means to me. Happy Easter!!

Sneezing and Spreading God to Others

In the course of a normal day, you may either say "Bless You" after someone sneezes or be told "Bless You" by someone else after you sneeze. This is often done out of habit and without thinking. There are many tales about the origin of this expression. One of the stories says that back in 590 AD there was an epidemic of airborne germs and the Pope began offering this blessing to sufferers from the illness, since in those days it was a high probability that death was imminent with any illness. Over time, and particularly over the last few decades, the "God" part of the expression has been left out and shortened to just "Bless You."
What if we started the trend of adding "God" back to the "Bless You?" What a simple and non-offensive way to slip God back into any situation, even with non-Christians. Since this phrase is so common after sneezing, it is not threatening to those who normally would shy away from any conversation dealing with Christian aspects. In this world we live in, we are so reluctant to spread God's word, even though we have been commissioned to do so. It always seems particularly uncomfortable to start up conversation about religion with any self-proclaimed non-believers. A simple "God Bless You" will show your concern and give you yet another opportunity to spread God's name in a positive light.

Matthew 28:18-20

Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." (NIV)

Excess (Part 3 of 7)- Gaming

Picture it. A 30-something year old woman supposedly exercising on the Wii Fit Plus. She's burning calories like crazy. No, wait. She's trying  to run over a gopher/mole. That woman would be me. A few days ago I was perched on the Wii balance board trying to defeat some sort of critter, while pretending to ride a Segway on a beach. The premise of the game is you are riding a Segway on the balance board while trying to gain points by running over balloons that pop up. If the balloons turn into gophers (Wii says they are moles but they look suspiciously like a character from Caddy Shack) and then the gophers taunt you while you lose points. Sounds fun right? In order to get the Segway to go faster you must lean forward on your toes and steer with the handheld control. I'm not sure how many times I actually played the game but I looked up and realized that quite a bit of time had escaped me. I continued however, singing "I'm alright, nobody worry 'bout me." for all I was worth. I was obsessed. I had to run over that gopher. The next day my calves ached and I had lost at least an hour of my life.

It's easy to see how children can become equally obsessed with gaming. I'm 30ish and I should know better, but there I was trying to run over a defenseless animal (he was mocking me). Children when not monitored, don't know better. What is it about these games that draws our children? Perhaps boredom. Perhaps seeking the feeling of accomplishment that is so hard to find in the world we live in. The world says if you are not number 1 then you shouldn't play. The world teaches it's not about how you play, but that winning is absolutely everything (there's a whole other blog in there). The problem with excessive gaming is that it is too much too soon. The images in games are often not exactly what we want our kids seeing, but it keeps them busy so we say nothing. The rating for each game is on the box, but some parents fail to look at it, or assume the big T means Totally Awesome and the M means Mostly OK. Kids also lose track of time when they play and half their life is spent, not on finding that which fills their soul, but that which takes their mind off everything else. Then everyone wonders why the work force is full of people with no imagination or work ethic. Again, as I've said before, I am not anti tech, I am just pro child. Give them some legos and see what happens. Pull out a board game (a what???) and watch your kids' eyes light up. Our kids are craving us, not the images they see on games. I think I will let the gopher/ mole rest this evening and have a chat with my kids instead.

Excess (Part 2 0f 7)- Technology

Recently the family and I were heading into a restaurant and another family with 2 teenagers were walking in at the same time. The mother turns to her teenager and says, "Please, put the phone away and talk to us." The teenager never looked up.  In Walmart a few days ago I saw a child, that looked no more than 5 or 6, being led down the aisles because she was playing her DS and couldn't seem to bother looking up to  watch where she was going. Both situations caused me to chuckle at the time and be saddened afterwards. One child with a parent begging for their time and one child literally being led through life. The excess of electronics for this generation is frightening in its consequences.

We are by no means anti-tech at this house. There is every gadget known to man in every room. I understand that without my iphone my life just would not be the same. However would I sit in Starbucks and reload my gold card without my miraculous phone? But I pray that I am teaching my children that there is a time and place for these things. I love the conversations we have at family dinners out because the excessive gaming and texting is not allowed. I find out valuable pieces of information during these conversations. My kids aren't allowed to bring gaming devices into Walmart because I want them to learn something while we're there. The value of a dollar, what kind of detergent works best, and what is good for you and what is not, can all be learned there. I don't want to send my kids out into the world only knowing how to beat Mario Kart. I absolutely think there are good uses for technology (calling when you are going to be late) but I think some limits need to be placed to avoid excessive technology that causes us all to loose touch with each other. What will you ask your kids to put away today?

Excess (Part 1 of 7) - TV

Yesterday my kids were watching the I Love Lucy where Lucy and Ethel decide to raise chickens and end up with 500 baby chicks in their living room. A few days ago they watched the Leave It To Beaver where Beaver sells water to the neighborhood kids after the water gets turned off for the whole neighborhood. Anybody remember these? How about The Brady Bunch or Gilligan's Island? Looney Toons? Tom and Jerry? I asked myself, after watching my 3 kids howling with laughter through these shows, why do my kids prefer to watch these shows instead of new cartoons and kids' shows? Perhaps they feel safer watching these shows because the newer shows portray concepts that they get enough of in the world. They need a break from all the excess you see in current "kids' programming." I'm talking about excessive rudeness among the characters,  excessive disrespect for others, excessive violence, and for the "tween" set, excessive sexual innuendo. Years ago, when my oldest still thought cartoons were cool, he watched one episode of The Fairly Odd Parents. He told me he would never watch one again. When asked why he replied, "They're mean to each other." Now, not every kid is going to monitor his own viewing and stay away from the shows that aren't right for him. We just got lucky (read blessed) with that one. It is our job as parents to monitor our children's viewing to protect them from the excess. Just because the language is alright doesn't mean the content is alright. I'm not indicating that there are not some worthwhile shows out there. I'm asking, do you know what your children are "into"? It's time to sit down, prop your feet up, have a good laugh, and see what your children are really watching. Happy viewing!

"Be careful little eyes what you see...."

Reality Sets In

I have a confession to make. I am obsessed by the show Hoarders. I don't enjoy watching it but am obsessed all the same. I can't seem to stop myself. I watch this show and see these poor people struggle through all manner of obsessive hoarding. Some hoard food, some hoard parents' belongings. Some hoard a toy, like trains that they loved as a child. It fascinates me that there is always a trigger to these events. A divorce, loss of a loved one, or economic hardship can all be triggers for these people. It just makes you want to stop and pray for them. Extreme Couponing is another show that fascinates me. What must these people be lacking or insecure about to cause them to have 100 boxes of cereal stashed in their cabinet? Now I also confess, couponing is not foreign in this house. We love a good BOGO with coupons that yields that box of Cocoa Crispies for $.70. I just don't think I feel the need to gather 100 boxes. It seems as though these people are searching, gathering possessions to fill a void. The hoarders will say so themselves. But what is that void?

Society as a whole is trying to fill the same void with "things". On a recent trip to Books-a-Million I stood in front of the shelf that said "Top 10 Bestsellers" on a sign above it. Six of the 10 books were religious in nature. Heaven is for Real. Crazy Love. The 5 Love Languages. Apparently readers are searching for "something" too. Our children are searching for "something". Drugs and alcohol are becoming a threat earlier and earlier because children and teens are trying to fill the void. We as Christian parents have the key to filling this void in our children. We need to ask ourselves though, are we passing the key on to our children? Are we reading the Bible to them? Are we teaching them self control? Are we praying for them daily? I, for one, could do a better job. Reality has set in. I don't want my children searching to fill a void that can only be filled by God. Do you?

Cinnamon Toast

Over a bowl of oatmeal and cinnamon toast this morning The Flower Child made an observation that struck me as rather profound. Of course, she didn't realize that, but was simply stating an observation. She thought it was interesting that she and her sister both liked cinnamon toast like their Dad, but The Man Child and I both don't like cinnamon. We do, however, both like cinnamon graham crackers. I began thinking of the traits and similarities between me and The Man Child. For several years now The Man Child has been the carbon copy of my husband. Everybody tells us so. His mannerisms, penchant for math, and square jawline all are MOTH's. But if you look very carefully his nose is mine. His sensitivity is a trait he got mainly from me. Neither of us can spell cinnamon without looking it up. Then there are the learned traits. Some good, some not so great. He is very cautious in new situations which causes him to think through what he will do and say. He tends to panic if he can't figure out what is going to be the end result of a situation. He embarrasses easily. I began to wonder, which traits has my son learned from me that may not be Godly....that he may regret learning someday?  Which traits do I want him to learn from me?

I would like him to learn to say what he means and mean what he says. For him to learn this I have to do this. I would love for him to use his sensitivity not to be hurt in every situation, but instead to love others. I have to do this first. I would like him to learn to use his cautiousness as a way to be "quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger." (James 1:19) As parents, we need to take a long look at ourselves and ask ourselves, "Is this a trait I want my child to have and use?" Your children can't help the nose they get or having a square jawline, but you can choose other traits. You can choose to be slow to anger. You can choose to have self control. What do you choose today?

I lay the sins of the parents upon their children; the entire family is affected - even children in the third and fourth generations of those who reject me. (Deuteronomy 5:9)

Your IW- Inner Weeeeee

As I write this I am listening to my children playing outside swinging and running and climbing trees. It's a lovely sound of squealing and, of course, the wonderful sound of "Weeeeeeee!!!" You've heard this sound. On a slide, roller coaster, or bicycle you have, at some time, made this sound. I hope you have. I have an old fashioned, mint green Huffy that I ride around the neighborhood and I have been known to let loose with a "Weeeee!!" from time to time. I'm finding my IW- Inner Weeeeee. In this era of cell phones, computers, and non stop gaming, I think our children may be loosing their Inner Weeees. It saddens me. I think God loves the Weeeee. I think he laughs with us and takes joy in the Weeeeee. Where is your IW? Has it been lost in the pile of laundry waiting or work that is piling up? Do your children have IWs? I challenge all of us today to find our IWs. Trust me you'll feel better. Weeeeeee!!!!

School Lunch Debate

I am writing today from high atop my soap box. "Why?" you ask. Well, today it is because I read an article from The Chicago Tribune about a public school in Chicago in which the principal has decided to ban lunches from home. Yes, really. When I first decided to write this blog I literally didn't know where to begin. There are so many issues with this I had to narrow it down to just a couple. So, let's begin with the first and, in my opinion, the biggest reason  this will not work. Principal Elsa Carmona said she was tired of seeing "bottles of soda and flaming hot chips" brought to school in childrens' lunches, so she decided children were not allowed to bring lunches from home. This week alone, in my childrens' school cafeteria, they have the possibility of eating hamburgers, tacos, breaded chicken chunks, and pizza. None of these scream health to me. My children are allowed to eat one day a week in the cafeteria because what I, or MOTH, pack them is healthier than school lunch. They get nuts, fruits, vegetables, whole grain breads, and occasionally a sweet treat.  Their drink is typically water or fruit juice. Not the chocolate milk they have the option of drinking in the cafeteria. Now, I am very aware that all childrens' home lunches are not brimming over with healthy food choices. The obesity rate among children in the U.S. proves it. This situation, however, is not teaching these children to make healthy choices. It is teaching them that you should eat what others tell you is healthy, and to eat what you are told to eat. When those children arrive home from eating these school lunches they will promptly begin to eat chips and drink coke. This school's funding and time would be better spent on nutrition classes for these students so they can make their own healthy choices as they get older. Make a no soda rule. Make a no chips rule. Don't punish the parents who are doing the right thing.

Now let's think of the cost of this mandate for the parents of these children. My childrens' school lunch costs $2.10 per child, per day. For one day that means $6.30. For the week that's $31.50. For the month, $126.00. Now let's factor in my eldest child. He is a thin child (never been over the 15th percentile on weight), but eats like a horse. When he does eat school lunch he brings an extra snack because the school lunch is not adequate in size for him. We had to start sending a snack because 2 years ago, every time the child ate at school he was spending $4.10. He was getting his lunch, then going back for another main course which added another $2.00. That puts us well over the $150 mark for 3 kids. How can parents possibly afford this?

These are by no means the only considerations. What about allergies? What about picky eaters who would choose to eat nothing rather than have to eat school "mystery meat"? What about a parent's right to choose what their child eats? I just hope no other schools get any wild ideas.